Mai birthday 2012

i had a blast on my birthday this year! thank you to all my friends from 33countries who shares the joy and celebrated with the surprises i didn't see coming...

with ekatrina from russia

the cute cake, birthday card & more presents 

with my fav girl, Joycee

arigatou!! i'm touched!

didn't see this coming too.. what a lovely flowers.love the colour combination..n on top of all, they are my fav flowers

thank you sayang!!

precious gifts from;

ksenia(rusia), zhadra(kazafstan),dhil(sri lanka), ayu(indonesia),koshim(tajikistan), chandara(cambodia),woan yin(malaysia..ehhe)

brooch from judith(hungary),perfume from joyce(philipine) & woan yin, letter pad from ekatrina(rusia)

home socks from shini(korea)

from minerva(samoa) & swe swe(myanmar)

from cholpon(kazafstan) & madhura(india)

someone told me

if the snow fall on the night of your birthday... you're about to have a year full of success!

i love that!

furthermore, i wish for snow last night before i go to sleep

and one of my wish came true

can't wait for the other wishes to be granted!

 

Wishes, Hopes & Dreams

15.01.2012

as for today,

after a whole week full of struggling with presentation & study,

i can finally have my rest...which is lying around doing nothing

and, not long after that

i received the news i've been waiting for

alhamdulillah...

thank you for the great news mai friend! i'm so happy for you beyond words. you're gonna be great ..greater,better than i can ever be because you've always been a good friend through thick & thin.

i'm so happy that all my dearest friends wishes, hopes & dreams are being fullfil... like it's telling you, it's ok to have those wishes, hopes & dreams..better than not to have it at all..and that it's worth it despite the time, distance & hurdles.

i'm grateful for the great people around me, the love surrounding me, the happiness inside me and the fact that i'm alive to have the ability to give back.

THANK YOU,

YOU!!

( ^ ^ ) v

Unexpected complicated news

sometimes in this life

we have to deal with people we dislikes

deal with their personalities that we wish we didn't have to

deal with the fact that we can't run away from them

but  i think people come to us with reasons

it's like they're being sent to us

and i bet even if the reasons didn't make sense

or even if we didn't see it coming our way

there are reasons why we are that person they chose

as someone told me

see always the good quality in every person

maybe they didn't want to be annoying as they may seems

they just need someone to talk to

for us to just sit there and listen

might do a big relief for them

they might not show us they really need our help

coming to us at the first place is a big step for them too

so, why don't we just lend them our humble ears and listen

we should be glad that we can do something for someone

even if it means a small deeds

small decent deeds could make a big difference in someone

and we might not even know it

ok,
forget the above part
what i'm gonna say onwards has nothing to do with the above melancholy self-talking

i'm startled plus happy when i heard that one of my friend gave birth to a baby boy yesterday(09.01.12).. i just got back from shinjuku with ksenia when i heard the news.it was kind of unexpected news for us but we're glad she's fine. we wish her baby will be fine too. i visited her and i kept all the tears n fears to myself... couldn't tell her how much i want her to be back here with her baby... i pray for her and her baby boy!

all aunties n uncles are waiting for you to come back here dear!

get well soon!

Rayyan, Mai angel

seriously... everything was moving so fast. i can't really believe that i have a son to who's gonna check in into a kindergarden.rayyan is 5 this year.i couldn't believe it myself as i keep saying that he's 4 during my conversation with the teachers.5years old?? really?? i think i have missed much of him and frankly, it really hurts... i keep on crying everytime i think of my conversation with him one time after my solat last holiday... i told him i'm sorry that i'm not around to be with him and that sometimes i scream at him.the moment i said it, he looked down and covered his face in my telekung...the next thing i knew was that he's crying...he's 5 and he's crying when i said i'm sorry...Ya Allah, that really touched my heart and i can't stop crying myself..i told him to look after his brother rifqi and be good to each other while i'm away..he nodded.. i cried everytime i think about that moment... i felt like i always blame him for making rifqi cried sometimes..maybe i didn't know how to handle when they started fighting over small things..but rayyan always have to gave in..i'm proud of him.it's kinda hit me how much he has grown to be... that was a conversation that i'll never forget my entire life...we both ended up crying together..just me and rayyan!

for the first time since i arrived here, i'm crying because i miss my kids.i've been putting walls around me, locking them in a memory room that i don't dare to open because i'm vulnerable each day here. right now, i'm taking down those walls and realize that i too, need to grow up! my kids taught me something i didn't see before..how strong they were when i'm not around...how much they miss me. i can't describe the face of joy they show when i show in front of them unexpectedly.i didn't tell them i was coming home..not even my parents..my friends, my collegues.. and those faces of them were priceless...and they still recognize me, love me the same as before  and nothing has changed eventho i'm a thousands miles away from them and i don't call them that often... they show me the strength, the courage.. the love i need!

tomorrow is Rayyan's 1st day in school..he has never been to any classes before but i know that he's gonna be alright. like he always do.. maybe he's gonna feel afraid at first but he's gonna like his new friends and school... he's the kinda of boy who don't shows his feelings...he always act he's ok... he's strong! mama pray for you dear...i always do!

latest picture..taken on 30.12.11 morning
4years 5months old

and for that, i have to be strong for them too. i have to change and be better and face my days

honestly, i'm still searching for the spirit to start my class back tomorrow. i've tons of things to do and don't feel like doing it.

i just hope that tomorrow just gonna work fine for me too...

2012

it's 3days past 2012 and i find it hard to start again... another 66days before i leave this place and that time it is not gonna be easy...

in 2011, i have to leave the kids and get to be with my husband eventhough we're 300++km apart from each other...

and in 2012, i'll be leaving my husband and get to be with the kids...

both years is a struggle...each time i'm giving up something to get something.

i have no 2012 new year's resolution... but i'm glad, my 2011 was a bless. this year, i'm planning to stick with 'mai pace' and hope that everything turns out just fine... pray for me!

maybe my little wish would be wanting to spend mai days in 2012 in better ways...

how are you starting your 2012?

a ferris wheel in Osaka Rinku Town captured on 01.01.12 with my beloved half by my side

and for the record dear izmir iswandi arifin, I LOVE YOU!! i don't think i can ever say this enough to show how much i need you in my life..

and i wish 2012 will be another great year for the 4 of us!