Penghujung 2010

2010 tinggal lagi satu hari... 2011 pulak bakal membuka tirai..

cepattnyerrr masa berlalu..cliche huh?? but it really is... imagine, i gave birth to rifqi in May this year and now he's almost 8months old..another 4months and he'll turn 1... belum puas lagi amek gmbr baby dia... belum puas lagi main2, agah2 dia... and rayyan, he's 3.5years old... couldn't believe i have a son who is soon going to school already... well, play school of course... but, hey ..that counts rite? i guess, i better hurry and get my hands on these babies... (hahah, alasan baekk punya!)


canon 50mm... dah lama mengidam.kalau boleh nak f1.4, tp mak datuk harganya..dah hebat amek portraiture boleh la beli nnti kat nihon... hehehe... so, kali ni amek yg f1.8 ... will go lense hunting tomorrow :)

don't know why, but i have the instict saying that 2011 is gonna be a great year for us... me going to nihon for 6months on sept 2011 till march 2012... dunno how i'm gonna survive that but, let's not think about that just yet,shall we... everything is gonna be great for emir too... some 'anjakan paradigma' i can say... and i'm so very much am a proud wife... proud that he's brave enough taking all the risk and ready to overcome all those challenges to make a change in his life... and be it black or white or even blurr, i'm always gonna be there for him in think and thin! we'll have 2soldiers supporting us...they are our strength...and insyaAllah, we know that He always give us the best!

the joy is always with us!!

:)

Building Fajr(subuh prayer) Discipline

sometimes, when we miss fajar(subuh prayer) we feel disappointed... we'll feel disappointed if performing fajr is our daily routine and missing it once makes us feel bad all day... isn't it.. but, i admit it is challenging to wake up for a 2rakaat prayer, washing ur faces with cold water and then trying to get back to sleep...  that's all syaitann...

let's hear a nice advise from khalid yasin which speaks really good tips on waking up for fajr prayer...

i got goose bump when i see, hear him speaks... deifinitely like msian ustaz... subhanallah...

Islam is really syumul..

among the words that i adore

•  fajr is for soldiers... because we have to fight to wake up and perfom that 5mins prayer and sacrifice our sleep...
• put your alarm clock across the room..and you'll be a fool to put it off and then go back to sleep
• niat the night before that you want to perform fajr
• syaitan ties 3nuts behind our ears and whisper to us to sleep that the night is long...when one of you wakes up and say subhanallah, then 1nut came loose, another when you take wudhu, and the last loosen when you perfom solat
• when u built up that fajr discipline, when you miss one fajr you'll feel disappointed...
• when you did fajr, you know your day is gonna be great..coz you've ask Allah for His blessing through the day...even if something goes wrong, you won't be much in misery,insyaAllah

Peluang atau Rezeki

i don't know how to put this into words... really, i can't describe how i'm feeling.. happy, excited, worry, scared..ok, all of them are in one package based on one decision. last friday, me n 2others of my colleagues are told to decide that one of us have to go to Japan for the short course( is 6months count as short for mothers??) next year..we have to give our answer, a name before 3pm today... gilla apa nak decide in few hours..kena call laki, discuss..call mak, call semua2 laa.. hehehe,mcm la nk pergi perang kan? eh, come to think of it..mmg macam perang pon..kena perang dgn perasaan sendiri...duduk berjauhan dgn laki n anak2 .. bukan main2 maa...

mmg nak pergi dr dulu lagi, tp hati nih terasa berat nk tinggalkan anak2... tapi tadi dah call papa, ummi and timbang tara(lebih kurang), they all encouraged me to go..and so, i gave them my answer... i'm going!

insyaAllah, tahun depan i'll be going to Japan for 6months to study more on Japanese language education... other matters, insyaAllah Allah akan bukakan jalan... yang penting sekarang tetapkan niat untuk timba lagi ilmu dan majukan diri setapak lagi dan keluar dr mai comfort zone.

siap ada org sudah offer diri nk jaga rifqi for that 6months.. heheheh.. i'm happy to know. the kiddos insyaAllah kena tinggal dgn ummi and hopefully by that time our maid is here to help ummi... mungkin boleh pertimbangkan juga cadangan sahabat yg nk jagakan rifqi.. seriously i wouldn't mind because i know them pretty well... rifqi will be in good hands. but it is not a  for me to make alone.

i just sent the form today... fiiling forms is one of the things i hate to do... isi form pon byk masalah...fax rosak laa..lupa minta tandantangan pengarah laa...but, negativity aside...i'm glad it is all settled. i need some time to take a deep breath and relax... if u ask me, i don't really know if this is for the best.... i still have doubts and i'm trying to concentrate about the good things it has to offer... insyaAllah.

doakan juga semoga urusan papa dipermudahkan..papa tgh berusaha study untuk amek exam insyaAllah next month... semoga papa cemerlang with flying colours...natsukashii tgk papa bangun pagi2 study... ganbare papa!!

and so,

i'm chasing my dreams

:)

Jangan Lupakan Dia...never ever!

 this is a copy from an email i received... dunno why but it touches my heart when i first read it and thus, i put it here to as a reminder,comforter... and maybe share it with you
Suatu pagi aku terbangun dan berpeluang melihat mentari terbit. Aaah.. kecantikan alam ciptaan Allah memang tiada tolok bandingnya. Sedang aku memerhati, aku puji Tuhan atas segala keindahan yang telah Ia sajikan .aku duduk dan terasa kehadiranNya di sisiku.


Dia bertanya kepadaku, "Adakah kamu mencintai Aku?" Aku menjawab, "Sudah tentu! Engkaulah Penciptaku, masakan aku tidak mencintaiMu." Kemudian Dia bertanya lagi, "Jika kamu ditakdirkan cacat anggota, adakah kamu akan mencitaiKu?" Aku tergamam seketika. Aku lihat tangan,kaki dan seluruh anggotaku; aku teringat pelbagai kerja yang mustahil aku lakukan tanpa anggotaku ini yang selama ini tidak kusedari kepentingannya.


Kemudian aku jawab, "Tentunya ia amat sukar bagiku, tetapi aku akan tetap mencintaiMu." Kemudian Dia bertanya lagi, "Jika kamu ditakdirkan buta, adakah kamu akan menyayangi segala ciptaanKu?" Bagaimana mungkin bagiku untuk mencintai sesuatu yang di dunia ini yang tak mampu aku lihat? Kemudian aku berfikir...ramai orang yang ditakdirkan buta di dunia ini, dan mereka masih mencintai Allah dan segala ciptaanNya. Lantas aku menjawab, "Amat sukar bagiku membayangkan keadaanku yang sedemikina rupa, namun begitu aku akan tetap menyintaimu Ya Allah."


Dia bertanya lagi, "Jika kamu ditakdirkan pekak, adakah kamu akan tetap mendengar kepada kata-kataKu?" Bagaimana mungkin bagiku mendengar jika aku pekak? Kemudian akutersedar bahawa mendengar itu tidak semestinya menggunakan telinga; tetapimenggunakan hati. Aku jawab, "Walaupun takdir itu amat berat bagiku, namun aku akan tetap menyintaiMu."


Dia menyambung lagi persoalanNya, "Jika kamu ditakdirkan bisu adakah kamu akan terus memujiKu?" Aku tertanya lagi, bagaimana aku boleh memuji tanpa suara? Aku terfikir kemudian yang Allah mahu kitame mujiNya dari dalam hati dan jiwa kita; tidak penting bagaimanakah bunyinya. Kemudian aku menjawab, "Sungguhpun aku tidak mampu untuk mambunyikan pujian bagiMu, aku akan tetap memujiMu." Dan...


Dia terus betanya lagi, "Adakah kamu benar-benar menyintaiKu?" dengan nada yang tegas dan penuh keberanian. Aku jawab dengan yakin, "Ya, benar Tuhanku, aku menyintaimu kerana Engkaulah satu-satunya Tuhanku dan Tuhan yang sebenar!" Aku fikir jawapanku tadi sudah cukup bagus untuk menjawab soalanNya tadi, tetapi Dia terus bertanyakan lagi, "Kalau begitu kenapa kamu masih melakukan dosa?" Aku jawab, "Kerana aku cuma manusia biasa yang selalu lalai; aku tidak sempurna...aku bukan maksum." "Kalau begitu, kenapa ketika kamu senang dan gembira...kamu lupakanKu; kamu lari jauh daripadaKu? Dan kenapa ketika kamu susah dan mahukan bantuan...kamu terus ingat kepada Aku; kamu datang dekat dan merayu kepada Aku?"


Aku tidak mampu berkata-kata. Yang kusedari...titisan panas turun membasahi pipiku. Dia sambung lagi, "Mengapa kamu buat begini...kadang-kadang sujud menyembahKu, dan kemudian membelakangiKu; tidak pedulikanKu? Mengapa kamu hanya datang mencariKu hanya ketika kamu nengingatiKu? Mengapa kamu meminta kepadaKu sedang kamu tidak setia kepadaKu?" Kurasakan titisan panas mengalir deras membasahi pipiku tanpa henti. "Mengapa kamu malu kepadaKu? Mengapa kamu tidak mahu menyebarkan suruhanKu? Mengapa ketika kamu dizalimi kamu adukan kepada yang lain sedang Aku sedia mendengar segala rintihanmu? Mengapa kamu sering membuat alasan ketika Aku memberimu peluang untuk berkhidmat di jalanKu?"


Ku gagahi bibirku untuk mengucapkan patah-patah perkataan bagi menjawab segala soalan yang bertubi-tubi diajukan kepadaku. Tetapi aku tidak punyai jawapan bagi persoalan-persoalan tadi. Lidahku yang selama ini lancar berkata-kata, kini kelu. Otakku ligat mencari jawapan... atau alasan... namun tiada apa yang kutemui sebagai jawapan. Dia berkata-kata lagi... "Kamu diberikan sebuah kehidupan. Aku jadikan dalam dirimu keistimewaan dan kelebihan berbanding orang lain untuk kamu berjuang di jalanKu, tetapi kamu tetap berpaling dari jalanKu. Aku tunjukkan kepadamu kata-kataKu sebagai panduan kamu dalam hidup ini, tetapi kamu tidak mahu mempelajari atau menghayatinya.


Acap kali Aku berkata-kata kepadamu, tetapi kamu berpaling daripada melihatnya. Aku turunkan kepada kamu pesuruhKu, tetapi kamu tidak ambil peduli ketika sunnahnya ditinggalkan. Aku dengar segala permintaan dan rayuanmu kepadaKu... dan semuanya telah Aku perkenankan dengan pelbagai cara."


SambungNya lagi, "Kini... adakah kamu menyintaiKu?" Aku tidak mampu menjawabnya lagi. Bagaimana harus aku jawab persoalan ini.. Dalam tak sedar, aku malu dengan segala apa yang telah aku lakukan selama ini. Aku tidak lagi punya alasan bagi menyelamatkan diriku. Apa yang boleh aku jawab bagi persoalan itu? Ketika hatiku berteriak menangis, dan bercucuran airmata mengalir turun di kedua-dua belah pipiku, aku merintih, "Oh Tuhanku... ampunkanlah segala dosaku. Aku tidak layak menjadi hambaMu Ya Allah..." ..Kemudian Dia menjawab, "Sifatku pengampun...barangsiapa yang memohon keampunan dariKu, nescaya Aku ampunkannya. Dan Aku ampunkan kamu wahai hambaKu."


Aku bertanya kepadaNya, "Mengapa Engkau tetap mengampunkanku sungguhpun aku melakukan kesalahan berulangkali dan memohon ampun berulangkali? Sampai begitu sekalikah cintaMu terhadapku?" Dia menjawab "Kerana kamu adalah ciptaanKu. Aku sekali-kali tidak akan mengabaikanmu. Apabila kamu menangis aku akan bersimpati kepadamu dan mendengar segala rintihanmu. Apabila kamu melonjak kegirangan Aku akan turut gembira dengan kegembiraanmu. Apabila kamu berasa gundah dan kesepian, Aku akan memberikanmu semangat. Apabila kamu jatuh Aku akan membangkitkanmu. Apabila kamu keletihan Aku akan membantumu. Aku akan tetap bersama-samamu hinggalah ke hari yang akhir dan Aku akan menyayangimu selama-lamanya."


Seingat aku... aku tidak pernah menangis sebegini. Aku sendiri tidak mengerti kenapa hatiku ini begitu keras; tidak mampu menangis menyesali segala dosaku selama ini. Dan..buat kali pertamanya dalam hidupku ini... aku benar-benar solat dalam ertikata yang sebenar. Ya Allah..betapa indahnya dapat merasakan kehadiran-Mu di setiap waktu..

Rifqi bersunat

alhamdulillah, rifqi dah selamat bersunat last saturday,11th December 2010.at first you're scheduled on 6th dec, but there's a mixed up at the hosp and we changed the date. i wish i can write the whole details about my 2days 2nite spent in putrajaya hospital with rifqi n papa.i prefer to write when i'm alone, no rush and accompany by a good music... but i'll try

friday- you had a slight fever from yesterday.badan merah2 macam peta..i thought nyamuk, tp besar pulak bekas gigitannyer...we've scanned your playpen but found nothing there.i brought you to the clinic and the doc said,your temperature is not high..i hope that you'll be fine by friday because, if your temperature is high, they can't perfom the surgery.i want to get this over with a.s.a.p..

3pm- rushed back from work.papa went to the clinic for mc and then we headed to the hosp.it was a 10mins drive.reached there,registered and checked-in to wad 2C bed no.6. the nurse weighed you.6.4kg.. you put on some weight compared to last check up which is 6.2kg...you temperature was also fine, 36.6c normal..alhamdulillah.good boy! as usual, you're being such an angel..well, because you just have no idea why we're there.wonder what's the scenario if you knew..heheheh. while waiting for pakar bius, we went down searching for something to snack on...papa had his late lunch.nasi lemak ciput jer dia makan...yerla, he's on diet you know.back to the ward and a doc came and asked few questions and that's it... we spent the night there..the couch for mommy was a perfect couch that daddy was saying(more than once) that he wanted to buy one for himself....it's like the couch which chandler bought for Joey. i love the couch too!!
the food were great...they prepared food for both of us...i finished all every meal :) to kill my boredem while you're asleep, i brought along 2books... The power which i carried everywhere i go(because i just can't find the time to read it peacefully) and another a novel i borrowed from aunti syana titled The Kite Runner..it's been more than a half year(i guess) in my possession and i just don't have the time to finish it(again,same reason)...it was a good story... i remembered i shed tears reading it in class while the students are having their test.

anyway, here's some photos on your big day :D

ada ke patut, mula kat registration, misi tu pakaikan rifqi gelang kaler pink.. mommy pon xperasan.sampai kat atas,misi tu tanya boy ke girl... i said boy..pastu dia gelak nape pakai kaler pink..hahaha...apadaa!! tau la rifqi comel

muka cuak? sementara tunggu doc dtg check

lepak2, golek2 atas bed

doctor dtg check..rifqi senyap jer..siap makan tag nama doctor... terima kasih doc siti sarah

when we checked in..the other 3beds are full.the next bed to ours, an 11year-old girl.. she was nice, she greet us. i asked her, why she was warded coz she seems perfectly fine to my eyes. she said she ate medicine..'makan ubat'.. i asked her back, ubat apa? she said pil kk..lama xdgr dah perkataan pil kk.. we used to have lots of pill kk at home in batu pahat because my uncle was in army and he got it for free.i asked her how much he ate, she said 35.. i was startled...seriously?? she smiled.. and dgn muka tak malu, i straight away asked, kenapa makan byk2...she just smile again... i guess, i'm asking too much info there...hehehe..ptg tu jugak, the other 3beds including that girl were discharged and we're alone in that 6beds room...weeehuuu!
anyway, you have to fast, no solid nor liquid should be given to you from 2am onwards to prepare you for the minor surgery.so, i woke you up at 2am, breasfed you and let you went back to you sleep.you woke  up again at 430am for another feeding but i have to shushh you to comfort you..i have to carry you as you hesistated to be put in the cot.my back ached but i just bear with it..you're struggling too...lucky thing you love to suck you thumb and somehow it managed to get you back  to sleep at 530am.you slept well after that and me too had a good sleep...i woke at 6,you're still sleeping soundly.i performed subuh prayer, hope that everything will go smoothly...continue sleeping afterwards as i have nothing to do and it was still dark outside and awaken by the nurse who said that it is time to go the OT.uhuhu...

let the beauty sleep before.... big thing tomorrow :)

saturday 736am- the nurse handed me the attire you have to wear into the operation room.. i mistakenly wore it backwards.so do you..hahaha..how do i know how to wear it, the nurse didn't mention about it earlier.and you wore those cap like a shower cap and it makes you look even cute-r...seriously! but in a scary situation. i carried you to the operation room and you were smiling to all the nurses who greet you...they say you're cute and cute..and cute... i'm sooo proud of you... although you haven't had anything in you tummy for the last 6hours...you're still smiling. in the waiting room, there's a woman waiting for her c-sect and an old indian man which i don't know what kind of operation he's going for.all the nurses are nice.the escorted me to the operation theatre... that's my first time stepping into such room, full of machines which somehow looks like i'm in one of the room in 'House'.. ventilator, tubes, and many more medical equipments that i don't know what they are called.the bed was a tiny one... specially made to fit a baby like you.. i put you on it and yes, you're still smiling..amazed by the big giant lights up on your head.later, the nurses(4of them) surrounded the bed preparing the equipment.they explained to me the procedure they gonna carry, put a gas mask on you nose, a small one compared to the one i had when i was struggling with the contraction pain delivering rayyan back in 2007... soon, you lost conscious.your eyes was half open and seriously, for the first time i doubt my decicion about having you do this at this age. i can't stand seeing you like that and as i was going to exit the room the doc ask me to kiss you before i go... "kiss?" i asked.. why do i have to kiss you? isn't this just a simple surgery... i don't think i wanna kiss you when you're unconcious like that...it's heart breaking... i almost cried after doing so... but i hold them to myself..lift up my head and try to be strong... it's all gonna end soon...you're gonna be better after this and i can't wait to take you back in my arms... the clock show 830am...

pakaian seragam masuk dewan bedah..comel kan? rifqi xde pon tarik2 topi tu.kalau abg rayyan, mmg xleh duduk cap tu kat situ

i left the OT with mind full of doubt but i try not to think.they asked me to wait in the waiting room... but i can't..i asked to leave.take my mind away and find my other half. he was waiting at the ground floor.. we went for breakfast... i kept looking at my watch.. at 915,we went back upstairs and wait. a baby boy from the woman who we saw at the waiting room is here...his father was happy, so does his grandma and auntie... but there's no you... i was kind worry... i assumed it's gonna be over in less than one hour..well, after all it's just, cut you thing, sew the cut and that's it... the nurse called for me at 940am.. i went inside.you're half conscious and crying... i guess you cried because you feel uncomfortable.they put a tube inside your lungs..the machine helps you to breath all through the process... and the doc said, they have complication while removing the tube..but, it's nothing to worry about... and your voice is different.i guess the gas effect took place.you cried occasionally.. it was on and off..one of the doc even said that i'm a well-trained mom.. well, actually i think it's you he shoud praise..you're a well-being son!
we went back to our ward at 10am.daddy was there...he was worried to..but, you sleep most of the time... i guess you must be hungry..so, i breasfed you and there you go, sleeping again.. me n daddy were there all the time... you didn't ate anything just breastmilk... but i don't mind..you're just 7months old after all... no fancy food is fine.we thought we can be discharged at the very same day, but they said you need to stay for another night because of the small complication about the tube and they have to see that the stiches are fine and no bleeding.daddy went home,fetch some clean clothes for me as i haven't had a decent bath in the last 24hours.he even brought the laptop,wifi and dvds for me to watch... visitors are only allowed until 8pm but for both nights, daddy stays until i felt asleep...he left around 1130pm...he's such a good father isn't he? lucky he was not caught by the guards..when the guards do their rounds,daddy wasn't there..he was praying... ehehehe...

30mins after surgery

the part that they cut...

benda nih jadi mainan rifqi,ditarik2nyer.. mommy yg risau dik oii..sakit ke?

lps bangun tido, walllaaa...cerianyer dia,mcm xde apa2 berlaku

nak tido balik..papa sing a lullaby

lps tu,papa pulak tido...

by the way, at 6pm that evening..a 8months baby girl was brought in next to our bed.she suffered clog in her usus.. this is her 2nd time warded by this prob according tho her mommy.apparently, her mommy and daddy was in process of getting divorce, i think.. i was holding you while you watch outside the window when they both quarrel over who gets to get her..they saw me standing there, but i guess they just don't care..later on, her grandma came,greet us..she's a nice lady... she sat by her grandaughter reciting the some surah from the quran.. i was reading my novel and we're very near to each other that i can hear just about everything they talked about.but, i guess, that's life .. everyone has their own problem. they leave the ward at 10pm..according the her mommy, the hospital don't have the specialist to monitor her baby. poor baby naura, i can't stand seeing her in those wires around her..she kept vomiting..and they said it's a good thing as she can't poop..haven't poop for 3days... her mommy blamed her daddy for over-feeding her.i overheard that too..sorry, i didn't mean too..

sunday -  you woke me up at 130am... you cried. i tried to fed you but you still cry. i checked you stiches and there's blood coming from it... oh God, i can't stay fresh blood.. i called the nurse.she came in..said there's nothing to worry..but i just assumed she said that to make me feel better... but, later she clean the blood and you stop crying.she put some antibiotic cream and teach me how to clean it too.. i said that, i'm weak when it comes to blood related issues...she laughed... she said, the bleeding will stop..and she's right, no more bleeding the next day... you woke up as one happy little boy.. the new you!... it seems like you don't feel the pain at all...only when diapers changing session comes..but you just make some sound and that's it..no crying.. it's a wonder how you deal with it, when the other boy in the next room..who's also 'bersunat' shouts 'sakitt! sakitt!' once in a while..heheheh...

they discharged us at 1130pm.. daddy went straight to 'hasil' to settel the bill... he didn't bring cash so he asked the lady at the counter if it's ok to pay with credit card..and she said it's ok... turns put, you bill was RM0...hehehe... that's the credit being a goverment servant. althought we don't get to sleep in the first class room, but with 5empty beds around us, who needs 1st class... we have more spare chairs to put our things... change window views when we get bored, and me and your dad get enjoy the joey's favourite chair each of us...nice rite.

we went to ummi's house and noyang was there alredy..she offered help to take care of you while you're in 'berpantang' period.. you don't seems to need one tho, rite? but i'm lucky because ummi was there too to help...she forbid us to send you to the nursery these few days and let her and moyang look after you.you're one lucky baby!!

Happy 7months Aydeen

check up gigi oleh doktor gigi belum bertauliah :)

mama, stop taking pictures and pick me up!!

most attractive part of my body... is my leg

mama, not finish yet?

i don't wanna pose

look!! up there...

ehemm, what do u think of my eyelashes?

even girls envy me :)

my favourite activity when i'm bored

errkk!

i have to practice more on giving a nice pose...should get rayyan to teach me

till next pose!

:)

Mama, fish gigit laaa....

that's what rayyan said to me...

today, went to kenko fish spa at pavillion,kl..it was a treat from mommy's best friend,auntie baizura...she got free coupons for the 30mins fish treatment..lucky us rite?she was mommy's classmate during high school...she's working with a japan tourism company named H.I.S... didn't know what it stands for tho... but,she seems to enjoy her work and told me that she wanted to work in japan..at the HQ of the company... i think that's a great idea. mommy wanna go back to japan too..soon,insyaAllah...maybe to further studies, or working or full time housewife... :)

anyway, i'll put up some photos later.. we had so much fun rite?.mula2 mmg geli because all those fish bit our feet.1st we tried the small one before switching to the bigger one...the small fish feels like a vibrate on our feet while the big one feels like... you're bitten.hehehe..but later we enjoy the treatment that the fish gave and 30mins seems like so fast... i never tried the rm5 fish spa that they had in jusco equine...rm5 for 15mins if i'm not mistaken but,the fish is not the same, i can confirm that.the fish in the kenko fish spa was black in colour and they were brought all the way from turkey.

rifqi tried it too..but he kept moving his feet everytime the fish bit him...i was afraid his tiny toes will be gone because he tried the big fish pond.hehehe.rayyan on the other hand, only interested in watching all those fish feed themselves with our dead cells..not to mention, he did some lady gaga-bad romance performance too...

it was said that the fish treatment can get rid from all the dead cells on our feet... we tried 'feeding' them our hands, but it was not as overwhelming as the sambutan we got for our feet...no dead cells on hands?(although later on we realized we're not allowed to put our hands in there...hehehe)..other than that, it can enhance our blood circulation( i think i can feel that)..and of course, release your tension..seeing the fish is enough to make you smile and relax... the actual price is rm38 but alhamdulillah, we got it for free..thanx to auntie baizura...i told her, not to miss us next time she got another free coupons...hehehe...