Another challenge in motherhood

it occured last sunday morning.. i felt a sudden change on my breast and suddenly i was shivering.. a strong shiver..sampai gigi pon menggigil sama...waktu tu pkl 5pg..MasyaAllah,dahsyat sungguh demam ni..suhu badan sampai 40degrees.tiba2 je..padahal the other night, i'm doing fine.so,emir cpt2 bangun ajak ke klinik. tanpa byk ckp, i just follow his lead. he puts on my socks and my coat on me and off we went at 6 am to find a doctor. mula2 kami ke klinik panel..sepertimana sangkaan kami..kata je klinik 24jam,tp bila kami sampai pintu berkunci,takpe la lagi..maybe utk keselamatan..bila ditekan loceng berkali2 baru la nampak kelibat org mamai2 kat dalam. i was sitting in front of the clinic shivering and covered myself with my long coat.masuk je dlm klinik, rasa mcm xlarat nk duduk.. nk baring..tp xde tpt..cuma kerusi yg tersusun panjang..emir tlg register.punyer la lama amek masa nk register satu patient..maklumlah,mata nurse tu masih kabur2 baru bgn tido.ada 2 org tp buat keje slow..mcm xnmpk org kat depan mata nih menggigil2. lps tu, bila masuk bilik tu,tgk doktor tu pon tgh genyeh2 mata,gaya org baru sedar dr tido..dlm hati kata,biar benar doktor ni...but,my fever scares me most! doktor tu cuma tanya lebih kurang,check suhu badan n bg ubat. when i told him, my it's not just fever but my breast also sore..he ask me to go to the hospital. well, i kinda agree straight away coz i'm not really satisfied with his service and i think this has to do more than just an ordinary fever. kemudian,kami ke hospital pulak. bhgn kecemasan dan trauma. tak ramai org..cuma ada satu couple arab bawa anak derang..lps tu i'm in for check up. the medical assitant checked my blood pressure and my fever and sent me to the doctor for further check-ups. wait again for another hour baru settle everything. but it didn't satisfies me either. the doctor just gave me some traditional remedies to fix the sore and that's it..along with some paracetamol to help soothes the fever... we came home..i'm glued to the bed all day long...lucky it was sunday and hubby is at home fixing everything for me.. feeding me, help 'tuam' the sore area, get the medicine to be swallow, giving support and all.i totally felt like a baby... a helpless one.. the next day, of course i'm on MC..had to leave my class. panas badan dah kurang..tp sakit kat bhgn breast tu masih ada. tak puas hati dgn check up smlm,my MIL insisted we go to another specialist... kali ni doktor nyer better..mmg cara seorang doktor laa..siap bg penerangan sampai lukis2.he said that my milk duct is clogged..well,i didn't really know whether it's singular or plural..but it's really painful.he said that i have 2 options..1st, to take antibiotics and wait until the sore fades or 2nd, to stop breastfeeding. i kinda disagree with him on his 2nd opinion,but if it is necessary, than maybe i'll consider it. i took both options and he prescribed me with antibiotics and some pills to stop milk production in case i decide to stop bf. so, for the rest of the day, i stop giving rayyan direct breasfeed and luckily there's some ebm stock left in the freezer...he kept on coming to me, selak2 baju..kesian rayyan..sorry yer sayang..mommy tgh sakit.. but unfortunately, that evening the high fever came back.39.5degrees..this is getting worse.i went on doing some study about the clogged thingy.after searching and browsing in the internet all about it,everything shares almost the same idea,"nurse frequently,rest and apply heat to the tender area".. it is something called milk duct clogged.if i don't drain the clogged duct it might worsen and turn into tumor..yada! i think that makes sense..doing nothing and hoping it'll ease by itself is not really answering my worries...finally, i had myself satisfied after all the information i had to pay for... i had the good one for free.the solution is to keep on bf frequently and have a good rest..rasa mcm nk cuti all week je.. actually, i experienced this once after labour...masa mula2 breasfeed.masih igt lagi,mlm pertama dgn rayyan di hospital..dia asyik nangis je sepanjang mlm..sampai xboleh nk tido...dah cuba bf dia pon tak jalan...and then,bila balik rumah pon kadang2 dia nampak mcm tak puas je bila bf..few days later,my breast starts swelling and in pain...rupa2nyer selama nih rayyan nangis2 tu sbb tak puas minum.patut la asyik merenget.i had bengkak susu..my breast is full,but the milk is not coming out efficiently...and my nipples cracked...masa tu tiap kali rayyan nk breastfeed mmg menangis sambil menyusukan dia..pedih teramat sgt.lps dia menyusu,susu masih byk so i had to expressed it using breast pump...pedih jugak tp kena tahan.macam2 petua i did to relieve the pain...dah la dalam pantang and i just had a baby but i can't take care of him because all of the pain...i almost gave up..almost decided to stop breastfeeding..but lucky i had supportive husband and family...i still remember crying on his shoulder and apologize for my failure..it was all really killing me from the inside..as a new mother...but,i keep on reading all about breastfeeding from any source i could find...i've got to have the knowledge to overcome the problem and to keep up with my baby..alhamdulillah, i manage to settle down a few weeks later. and now, again...the same problem came. i must be strong.i can go through all this again.i must pay more caution about all the details on breastfeeding.the feeding position,the outfit,the regularity and so on...i shouldn't take it for granted.alhamdulillah,by today the tender area is a bit relieved. the fever has left ..i guess..but my throat still feel a bit bitter... well,the good new news is i don't have to stop breast feeding myrayyan.i'm gonna be strong and feed my child as long as he want to.insyaAllah..hopefully i'll regain my strength soon. references; la leche league international kidshealth assosiatedcontent cloggedmilkduct babycenter letstalkbabies ~Ya Allah, Give me the strength to go through all the obstacles along the way of motherhood.Give us your generous blessing and guard our family under you protection.amin~

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