terlepas juga

sedeyyyyy!!! for the first time sejak dtg sini i'm crying like a baby! and the tears are not worth the reason at all... i officially hate that woman!! aarrggghhhhh!!! gerammm!

pertama kali dalam hidup berhadapan dgn pompuan jepun xbertimbang rasa... setelah lama menahan sabar, meberanikan diri menegakkan keadilan.. dia fikir adil utk org lain je, abis tu adil utk org minoriti ni xpayah pk la??!

sudah tidak berdaya berkompromi!!

Mai kids are mai soul

mai kids are mai soul...they are the main reason i'm smiling everyday, the one that keeps me strong and grow. the ones that teach me patience and positivity...they are my addiction!!

setiap kali berpisah dgn anak2, sekalipun hanya untuk sejam dua, i'll hug them very tight and kiss them a lot... i wouldn't dare walk out the door without hugging or kissing them even knowing they'll cry seeing me in nice dresses bertudung siap,but leaving them behind... leaving them quietly just for the sake of not wanting to make them cry is never an option. i mean, i'd rather see them crying knowing me leaving rather than leaving them quietly...afraid that, that's gonna be my last hug.you never know right?

i understand, we especially mothers are very attached to our kids. it is almost hard to leave them even for an hour. my kids especially rifqi mmg xboleh berenggang.kalau ada kat rumah mmg senantiasa nak melepek sebelah mama...kalau letak sebelah pon xmau..nak kena berdukung juga.tu yg sampai kes, mama masuk toilet dia nak teman jugak.

see his make-pity faces sambil peluk kaki xbg lepas.....
mmg cair la hati mama dia..huhuhu

don't get me wrong.it doesn't mean that i don't like my kids being this way...to be frank, i'm quite relief they can't resist me they way they are irresistable to me. that way i know that they need me, love me :) and i don't mind having to hold them while cooking just to stop them from crying, i don't mind giving them the attention they want as much as i can give... i just can't stand seeing them sad or dissapointed..

sometimes distance is good. an hour distance, a day distance is a nice therapy i think. it makes us appreciate our children more.even when we're at work, we can't help but to think about our kids at home/nursery..are they having a good day, are they eating well, what are they watching on tv, do they coop well with their sibblings/friends...are they ok? that's the credit of being a full-time-housewives(FTHW) i guess...they got to see their kids grow every minute, shape their kids the way they want without bad influences from outsiders, and the kids are like their Masters/PhD thesis... there's no bigger success that seeing your kids grow being a good caliphs,kan? so, to mothers who are a FTHW, jgn ambik pusing kata2 yang mengecil2kan anda.walaupon anda pemegang diploma,degree,master hatta phd sekalipon, pahala yg anda kumpul kerana menjadi ibu sepenuh masa kepada anak2 dan isteri sepenuh masa yang menjaga kebajikan dirumah insyaAllah jaaauuuhhh lebih hebat drpd saya yg bekerja.bayangkan,sekali kita pandang anak2 dengan penuh kasih sayang, itu sudah pahala, belum lagi kita yg suapkan makannya, memakaikan pakaiannya, mengajar mereka secara langsung atau tidak, menidurkan mereka, memberi kata2 perangsang kepada mereka etc.kadang2 pernah juga tahu yg ibu2 sepenuh masa ni susah hati kerana tidak dpt membantu ibu bapa yg membesarkan mereka kerana tiada pendapatan tetap setiap bulan.mengambil kata2 seorang tok guru yg saya hormati, walaupon ibu2 sepenuh masa ini tidak bekerja dan tiada pendapatan untuk membantu ibu bapa mereka sendiri, ingatlah bahawa ketaatan anda kepada suami anda dan usaha anda menjadi ibu kepada anak2 anda ada bahagian(pahala) kepada ibu bapa anda.pahala itu mengalir kepada mereka dengan syarat kita menjaga hak2 kita sebagai isteri spt menunaikan solat, menutup aurat dan melaksanakan kewajipan yg wajib lainnya dan meninggalkan laranganNya.insyaAllah...Allah kan Maha Kaya! (eh, macam lari topik pulak..heheh)

anyway, i'm leaving rayyan n rifqi at my in laws just now after celebrating rayyan's birthday..my mom needs my maid's help so, the kids have to tag along...God, it was hard to let go! bukan lama pon,xsampai 24hours...but the feelings of not being able to sleep with them, hug them at night, wake up to their beautiful smiles and all makes it hard to let go... rayyan salam, hug me, kiss me at both my cheeks n forehead(tiru papa dia..huhuh), but still it's not enough..hug rifqi sooooo tight,kiss him hard but still, it's not enough...Subhanallah, ini baru dugaan kecil.

when i told my friends, families about me going away for 6months leaving the kids behind, some are being so sceptical. i know there's a lot to go through but at the same time, it's not impossible. i'm seriously trying to be very positive about this matter from the 1st time i took the decision to go. everyday i keep telling myself that i'm gonna be okay. i'm hoping others wouldn't pity me but please pray for me...pray that Allah would grant me the strength, the love, the sanity to survive. Please stop worrying about me..insyaAllah, i'll be fine... i know i'll be fine... and to friends who keep me strong, trust in me and tune me into being positive, may Allah repay your kindness! i hope nothing more than your doa'.

ramadhan is approaching... bulan yang mulia untuk meminta kepadaNya...bulan untuk menggandakan pahala...bulan yg penuh rahmah. semoga Allah beri kekuatan, hidayah, kasih sayang, dan pertolonganNya kepada kita semua....

..and the countdown starts now

this morning.. i received this...

do you know what it is??

a nightmare and a given CHANCE ..hehehe

the date is there!

and a lot of forms to fill in... medical check-up, questionnaire, homework etc

i guess the countdown begins now

Ya Allah..berilah kekuatan

dan lorongkanlah kami jalan yg terbaik!

 

Tsunami di Jepun

~Rayyan is 3years 7months old~

~Rifqi is 10months 1week 5days young~

right now, the news on Japan earthquakes n the explosion n worries about the nuclear reactor are really worrying me day by day...seriously, mula2 rasa mcm xberapa risau tp bila pagi nih tgk berita tiba2 termenangis..clearly, mai love towards that country where i used to shelter for 4years never subside. sebaliknya semakin rindu..semakin sayangg..semakin membuak2 perasaan nk balik semula ke sana, nak memberi pertolongan apa yang mampu...tp kudrat tidak sampai ke situ..hanya doa semoga semuanya akan pulih segera... bila buka internet, terbaca pulak article ni.. lagi la sebak... MasyaAllah!! besar sungguh kuasaMu... kita yang tak jumpa anak satu hari pon dah terbayang2, inikan pula bila terpisah dlm bencana alam macam ni..

sejak kejadian yg menimpa Jepun ni, tak tahu kenapa tapi diri sendiri pon rasa mcm kurang bersemangat... mula2 tu mmg malas nk tgk berita, baca paper..tunggu berita nihon nk pulih je..tp rasa mcm lamanya..hari2 makin bertambah berita xmenyenangkan...dgn kerisauan anak2 didik dan kawan2 kat sana, selamat ke mereka..macam mana keadaan mereka skg..mesti setiap saat dlm kerisauan... mengenangkan kami juga bakal berangkat ke sana akhir tahun nih...aduhaiii..besar sungguh dugaan Allah kali ini... yang peliknya, tak terfikir pun kami untuk menarik diri drpd menjejakkan kaki semula ke bumi sakura itu... itulah sayang!!

apapun yg terjadi, mungkin ini dugaan Allah bukan hanya utk masyarakat jepun ttp utk kita hayati, muhasabah diri, ambil pengajaran(bukan memperlekeh) atas apa yg berlaku... doa yg tidak putus buat bumi Jepun! semoga disebalik musibah yg Allah turunkan ini, terlindung seribu hikmah disebaliknya...

Doaku Buatmu Bumi Sakura

googled picture

Penghujung 2010

2010 tinggal lagi satu hari... 2011 pulak bakal membuka tirai..

cepattnyerrr masa berlalu..cliche huh?? but it really is... imagine, i gave birth to rifqi in May this year and now he's almost 8months old..another 4months and he'll turn 1... belum puas lagi amek gmbr baby dia... belum puas lagi main2, agah2 dia... and rayyan, he's 3.5years old... couldn't believe i have a son who is soon going to school already... well, play school of course... but, hey ..that counts rite? i guess, i better hurry and get my hands on these babies... (hahah, alasan baekk punya!)


canon 50mm... dah lama mengidam.kalau boleh nak f1.4, tp mak datuk harganya..dah hebat amek portraiture boleh la beli nnti kat nihon... hehehe... so, kali ni amek yg f1.8 ... will go lense hunting tomorrow :)

don't know why, but i have the instict saying that 2011 is gonna be a great year for us... me going to nihon for 6months on sept 2011 till march 2012... dunno how i'm gonna survive that but, let's not think about that just yet,shall we... everything is gonna be great for emir too... some 'anjakan paradigma' i can say... and i'm so very much am a proud wife... proud that he's brave enough taking all the risk and ready to overcome all those challenges to make a change in his life... and be it black or white or even blurr, i'm always gonna be there for him in think and thin! we'll have 2soldiers supporting us...they are our strength...and insyaAllah, we know that He always give us the best!

the joy is always with us!!

:)

no more fever

sorry, really not in the mood to blog. with all the fever, the coughs ... rifqi had his fever for more than a week... i never experienced this..usually rayyan will have fever for 1 or 2days, 3days top. but seeing rifqi clingy with his cough and his fever that goes up and down... very stressful! ini lah susahnyer kalau anak dah sakit...mak bapak pon boleh sakit sekali... seriously, masa badan dia panas, i feel the warmth of the fever spread into my body..dalam hati kata, xperlah kita sakit...asalkan anak sihat... biar la mommy yg tanggung. that's why Allah makbulkan doa, i'm down with bad fever and cough the very next day.Subhanallah.

rifqi sihat hari sabtu lps...nak kata betul2 sihat pon idak jugak, sbb masih ada batuk2. lps lega rifqi dah sihat, rayyan pulak demam...badannyer panas.dr sabtu haritu sampai la ke harini, tak nak makan apa2..selain suplimen and ice cream. nasi selamat masuk 2,3 sudu jer..tp mlm tadi paksa2 juga makan.pagi tadi nampak macam dah sihat sikit sbb kami paksa dia makan ubat demam.payah nk bagi dia ubat sbb dia dah pandai demand kata, "dah cukup".. bila suruh makan sambil tgk tv dia kata,"abiskan cite nih dulu"..amboi2,byk betul cekadak dia...kita kena tunggu dia pulak...dah la xsehat.tp pagi tadi dia dah nk mkn biskut chipsmore..itu pon kena guna reverse phsycology... ckp kat dia xboleh mkn,mama punya.. itu yg buat dia nak makan..kalau suruh makan, hampeh xnak jamah.laku la jugak 3ketul masuk perut dia...alhamdulillah..sekali lagi Allah makbulkan doa lps subuh pagi td....

hopefully, all these fever word will vanish from my vocab for a while this year... ini kali pertama rasanyer kami sekeluarga demam berjemaah. Allah nk tunjuk dia sayang kan...

sorry, entry pasal rifqi kena qada' lain masa,,mommy will try to update when there's time...

semoga anda2 semua Allah lindungi dalam kesihatan yg baik..rohani dan jasmani.mental dan fizikal... semoga kita diberi kekuatan utk laksanakan amanah yg dipertanggungjawabkan dgn sebaiknya...

sememangnya, dgn mengingati Allah hati akan menjadi tenang...

Rifqi will be fine, insyaAllah

rifqi has been with fever for the last 4days...jumaat dah bawa pergi klinik biasa.doc kata in 3days he'll be fine.
saturday, his temperature naik balik.39c.. i decided we went to specialist.klinik kanak2 dr. saiful @ kajang. dr saiful kata, panas badan dia. masuk ubat kat punggung n off we went home with a plastic of medicines.ptg tu dia ok..sampai mlm.bgn pagi, suhu badan dia naik balik...bg ubat demam, batuk+selsema,antibiotic..setiap kali nak bagi ubat, kena ready tuala n tisu sekotak kat tepi...masuk sikit2 ubat.he'll cough and vomit along with mucus.kahak yg tersekat kat tekak. soon after that, after fighting with all the drugs he fall asleep..reda sket...later ptg tu rasa mcm panas balik.i measure and resulted 39c back...
mula la hati ni tak senang... i told my hubby that we should bring him to the hospital.just in case it's serious...better safe than sorry right? at 630pm we reached hosp p/jaya. misi check, masuk ubat kat punggung lagi..misi kata jgn pakaikan baju, biar dia berlengging with pampers only.lps tu, amek darah utk blood test... i hold my tears seeing the same size of needle that used to take my blood goes into his tiny veins...and yet, he cried with a low voice..no screaming and shouting.poor rifqi, suara dah tak keluar sbb tekak xselesa...

bila masuk jumpa doc, she said that there's a virus in his blood stream and she can't say it is dengue because he shows no simpton of rashes.i shows the doc the red stain in his pampers..the same pattern that i discovered that morning... she checked his urethra and i saw there's something like a white-ish...she said that his uritheral sphincter is small and that his urine doesn't come out well...patut la pampers dia xberat as usual.patut la demam dia payah nak surut..he can't pee well. most probably, he's gonna 'sunat' awal... it is a minor surgery for babies and i was told to make an appointment with doc in surgery today..i went there this morning and the appointment will be on 8th @ 10am...

rifqi belum sihat lagi...pagi td, around 530am, hubby woke me saying that rifqi's temperature rose back..sebelum tido mlm tu, dah kurang panasnyer..tp nih naik balik..luckily, mil offered to take care of rifqi today and me with running nose and a slight feverish went to work hoping i can cope well until 5pm...

one after another....

i just hope rifqi will be fine soon...i miss his smile, hiss 'cooohh' and ' aaahhh's... his babling

and i hope Allah give me the strength to face all this.

this running nose of mine adn the stress is just a small matter compare to what rifqi has to go thru.
and seeing him being brave really is an unmeasurable pain!

Aydeen is almost 1/2year old

xlama lagi rifqi dah boleh mula makan...even skg pon kalau kita makan, mulut dia gerak2 gaya nk jugak...seronok nk jamu rifqi makan, bagi dia experience mcm2 rasa...tp mungkin sikit2 kot.. skg nih tgh ulangkaji study mcm mana nk sediakan makanan baby..hehehe...mcm xde pengalaman jer. dah lama tinggal, lupa dah... plus, dulu ada org tolong buat..mommy tolong bg resepi jer.skg nih semua atas bahu sendiri...kalau nk masak tiap2 hari rasa cam xsempat jer... ada yg cadang masak sekali utk satu minggu punya stock...simpan dlm freezer.bila nk makan, baru panaskan... mula2 dgr rasa cam,"boleh ke?"... tp tu laa..kena cari maklumat lebih lanjut, belajar dr other mommies esp working mommies like me yg anta anak gi nursery... anyone with experience or have any idea, please do share with me... really2 need help on this...

right now, rifqi is still exclusively bf.alhamdulillah, i manage to cover the first 6months of his age fully with my own hard-earned product.pheww..seriously with not-so-well-disciplined pumping schedule, with the here & there stress, running back & forth from equine to nusaputra every working day, lack of rest n sleep... i reached my 1st target... 2nd time is harder!! masa 1st baby, mmg meriah hasil susu... skg nih, sad to say cukup2 makan jer... maybe i shouldn't delay giving him solid... bg adek chubby,tembam,debab,dobot balik...

skg nih badan rifqi susut sket... mungkn sbb skg nih rifqi kurang sihat..semalam badan dia panas sket, tp alhamdulillah doc kata panas dia xde sampai tahap demam lagi.one thing that troubles me is his coughing. batuk berkahak pulak tu...risau la budak2 kecik batuk mcm tu.kesian...hidung dia pon tak selesa.doc said, he'll recover in around 3days... because his lungs is clear...mommy risau giller semalam sampai tak nak pergi keje...tp sbb ***  xboleh nk cuti kot.. terpaksa gagahkan diri pergi keje. of course sampai nangis dlm keta... hati ibu mana tak sebak tinggalkan anak yg tak sihat pd org lain... seb baik daddy bleh tolong antakan pergi klinik... mommy pesan kat daddy, kalau doc ckp rifqi demam, mommy ttp nk cuti gak! how am i suppose to do my job if my mind keeps on thinking about my sick child? dok buat keje pon kepala otak pk pasal anak... nangis lagi... bab anak mmg sensitif!

this coming weekend nak buat something yg menyeronokkan laa..semlm dah belikan kolam kecik utk abang rayyan..fyi, selama nih dia dok berangan nk jadi baby balik, mandi lompat dlm tub mandi rifqi yg kecik tu...kalau dulu payah bebenor nk suruh mandi, kena paksa-ugut bagai baru nk masuk bilik air.skg nih siap angkat tangan kata "rayyan nk mandi kolam laa.."..esok, dpt la dia debush2 dlm kolam plastik kat luar rumah.xtau la besar mana kolam tu..main beli jer...

aktiviti menjahit, photography terpaksa ditinggalkan seketika..insyaAllah, bila Allah bg kelapangan masa nak sambung balik.igt nk jahit something special for someone special..tp tgh cari idea.fabric dah beli siap2..tangan jer tak bergerak lagi.

kesimpulannya, few weeks nih mmg semput dgn mcm2 ceritera.i'm thankful that i'm surrounded by people who really cares.. tak dpt tlg, dpt jadi tpt utk mengadu pon dah terlerai sikit beban dibahu.terima kaseh kpd insan2 itu...semoga Allah permudahkan urusan kalian yg telah membantu dlm urusan hambaNya yg lemah ini.

Sesungguhnya,

Allah tidak menjanjikan hidup ini tidak pernah susah, bersuka-ria tanpa kesedihan, Panas tanpa hujan tetapi ia memberi kita kekuatan,menenangkan kita semasa kesedihan dan menunjukkan .alan yangsebenar-benarnya..

insyaAllah nnti nak buat entry 'Rifqi's Special'..antara gmbr2 hot yg belom dipaparkan sepanjang 6bulan usianya... tanoshimini!

gambar rifqi ni mommy yg amek, tp tau sape edit??

abang rayyan!

dia main2 hp mommy,tau2 dah edit siap save sekali

:)

Taiwan for 4days

in less than 24hours we'll be apart..for a while..to be precise, 4days!

alaa..4 hari jer.. kejap jer..pejam celik dah jumpa balik...

is it???

ask anyone who had experienced long distance relationship.

has it ever been easy?

well, maybe i'll keep myself busy with all the work loads in the office and at home

although we'll most probably be staying at in laws for that amount of days

so that i can use some hands to handle 2boys

..and at the same time keep me sane

hahahaha

yeay, i can go crazy without him around

because he's my other half

it's challenging to survive with my other half 2004.10miles aways from home

or am i just being childish?

did i hear someone say,'oh please, grow up!'

deep in my heart,

i feel that it's fine to feel this way..i'm allowed to be childish when it comes to him

kan?

so, ayang

can i get a new pair of shoes to at least feel happy wearing one to work on that 4 long days?

"YES" @ "NO"

***** seriously.... like seriously, i need a break!*****

i've always hate it when it comes to making decisions...as simple as to decide what attire to wear....to those big-hard-to-make-kalau-silap-HABIS decisions. life is about making decisions..sometimes we have the slightest idea of which is the right one and what not to opt for... most of the time, it cause STRESS which is not good for sure! the more responsibility you have, the more decisions you have to make.(and soon more stress will come)... have to admit it..that's part of the deal being a human.

i have faced countless time in making hard decisions.but this is the 1st time in my life... i feel like i don't have any options...i've just been given the answer by question..or should i say, a request. haven't you come to a question which sounds like there's answer in it already??? there's no way to say 'NO'.. a hard-solid 'YES' hiding in the Q. bak kata pepatah melayu,' ditelan mati mak, diluah mati bapak'? either way, i'm stuck!

aduh, sakit perut fikir ...heheheh.

Allah duga kami lagi...

all i can do is ASK from HIM... may he guide our heart to make the best decision.

boleh jem kepala berfikir...dah la hari nih rasa badan cramp setelah seharian jadi jurugambar utk seminar. penat rupanyer jd photographer nih yer..walaupon kerjanya tala kamera n tekan button jer..seb baik balik umh ada org sudi urutkan...ada tpt nk bermanja.sambil2 tgk cerita SALT..best woo!! rayyan pon layan sama..aduhai, rasa cam xlarat jer nk sambung amek gmbr esok...but again, responsibilty...

suddenly..tgh2 borak dgn 'tukang urut' tiba2 rayyan bersuara

rayyan : ... itu mama ke?

me : huh?? tu?

papa : ha ah..mama la tu

me : *blushing* sambil ketawa bahagia

guess what? rayyan said evelyn salt a.k.a angelina jolie is his mama.hahahah..okay, i bg lesen gelak! tp encik suami sokong kata, mmg ada rupa cuma tang bibir jer kureng sama....cett!

itulah nikmat ALLAH bg... anak penawar gusar di hati! and for that, i know He never left us out =)

Alhamdulillah~

lately, perut nih selalu sensitif... tak tau mana salahnyer..salah makan ke, alergi ke... risau la pulak takut effect kat rifqi since he's fully bf... aduhai perut, kenapa dgn kamu?? sejak bila kamu jadi sensitip? mungkin kena bertapis makan.... mmg skg nih makan xterjaga.main taram jer apa ada dpn mata... kesian perut jadi mangsa.

Yang mana satu?

kami diberi ini supaya membuat pilihan antara Skim KWSP atau skim Pencen... option yg dibuat adalah muktamad meaning staf xboleh meminda, menukar, membatalkan atau membuat option baru once dah hantar permohonan... i already read the letter, tp xpaham..hahaha... malas betul nk baca surat2 formal..ayat skema sgt sampai tak paham.i prefer org cerita... masa discuss2 dgn colleague, ada yg nk amek skim KWSP sbb besar kemungkinan dia xkan stay lama dgn government... ada yg pilih pencen sbb lebih byk advantage kalau nk stay sampai umur 56/58 dgn kerajaan...

how about me? mmg lemah bab2 kena  wat decision besar camni... baru igt nk tiru2 org lain.. tp bila fikir2 balik, i pon taktau wheather i wanna stay here till i reach the age 56... mmg la suka keje nih, tp jangka masa panjang, kalau nk stay kukuh kat sini, kena gi sambung belajar... tp hati xterbuka lagi nk further study... ada juga angan2 nk buka bisnes sendiri(bisnes apa jgn tanya...kita berangan dulu!). nak jadi surirumah full time pon ada..sejak dah xde maid nih..seronok lak rasa dok umh..so,kalau tiba2 nk berhenti keje, and i dah pilih amek pencen, rugi x?... tp kalau ikutkan, igt nk stay lama kat sini... aarrghhh, xtau laa mana satu nk pilih..

ada sesape yg ada nasihat? i xde pengalaman sbb my family xde yg keje dgn government..xde org yg berpengalaman nk dirujuk...

what do u think?

Still adjusting

everyday i think about my blog..think about the stories i wanna write but with the time constrain, juggling with work and kids... masa makan pon terkejar2... since i start working, kami anak beranak jadi org nomad.. kami sekarang menetap kat umh my parents emir.weekend baru balik rumah sendiri.i dah cerita ke ek? xigt pulak..memory lost sering berlaku lately.anyway, oleh sbb rifqi kat equine, rayyan dijaga oleh mil.. we chose to stay with them.. it's easier.senang nk urus anak2, pergi balik keje and frankly, dlm keadaan kelam kabut nih, i prefer duduk di rumah yg ada orang utk bertegur sapa...balik rumah kosong sgt la menambah stress..emir kan selalu balik lmbt..bila ada parents, boleh borak2..tgk tv sesama.. hehehe..mcm tidak independent,kan? but this is the best to keep me sane for these few months,at least.

seriously, these 2 weeks mmg meletihkan..nk adjust masa keje n waktu nk amek rifqi.kadang2 class abis pkl 6..meaning i'll only reach home at 730pm+traffic stress..hik3.sampai tersepit pintu kereta pon boleh pitam...xpernah dgr org tersepit pintu pitam,ye tak? tp sbnrnya bukan itu sahaja penyebabnya... the truth was, the night before which is thursday 8th july, 1st day tayangan 'eclipse' and emirr was all excited, he can't wait till saturday(since new moon, he's got too obsessed with those vampire n wolf thingy.. worse than me!).my mil took care of the kids and the show started at 1155pm.. i managed to catch some sleep from 9pm~11pm..emirr got home from work at 10something.. we love the movie,period!! balik, kemas barang2 rifqi utk next day,mengepam n went to bed at 330am.. siap mimpi jacob lagi malam tu..hahaha.

owh, that night actually i sakit perut, diarrhoea..i suspect disebabkan nasi lemak lauk ayam rendang yg my friend belanja... sampai rifqi pon menerima nasib yg sama.syiann adek! bila dah sakit perut camtu, that morning mmg xde selera nk menjamah apa..minum air jer..tgh hari tu, zorai.sensei ajak gi lunch kat midv...i pon terfikir nk makan something healthy..soup or something.. sebelum keluar, i 'masuk ladang' dulu... pam siap2.dpt la 7oz..masa kat kereta tu, i hidupkan enjin pastu nk tolong alihkan car seat rifqi... lps kuar driver's seat, i nk halang pintu kereta tu dpd tertutup(tatau apa motif halang sbnrnya).tak sempat tahan, jari yg kena 'ngapp'...jari hantu lak tu...hahaha..mula2 tgk ada darah, i wat muka cool jer laa..ala takat tersepit pintu, rayyan pon melalak kejap jer... sekali masuk dlm keta, kepala dah rasa lain macam.pandangan dah nampak kabur2..pastu mcm view terlebih white balance...cahaya terang sgt2..mmg masa tu pon tgh hari... i surrender, terus ckp kat zorai.sensei..jari tersepit..nk nangis gak masa tu, sbb cuak diri sendiri nk pitam...hahahah..ini kali ke3 i pitam..so, kami pon lepak2 dulu dlm kereta..baring sat...borak2 tunggu trafik depan um lengang...igtkn nk cancel, tp xsampai hati sbb dah janji dgn zorai.sensei nk gi lunch... lgpon, masa tu kepala dah ok..selamat la kami ke midV..xsempat cari hadiah, mkan dan borak jer dah pkl 3...
kesimpulannya, pengsan sbb xcukup tido+sakit perut+xbreakfast+baru lps mengepam... no wonder boleh sampai pitam... sudahnyer, jari hantu tu mmg tak boleh wat keje one whole day..rasanyer xpatah sbb boleh gerak2...cuma kena kat tulang tu yg rasa sakit.bayangkan mcm mana gaya nk mengelakkan jari hantu dpd terlanggar apa2 barang...hik3..ok, stop imagining!

cukup la penerangan saya pitam tu...xseronok langsung! tp nak bitau jugak laa, sbb bukan selalu i pitam...hik3.. byk  cerita menarik lain yg pending...2minggu punyer stories...aiyo! nnti2 la eh..

hari ni,sampai ofis seawal jam 730am dgn niat nk siapkan keje cepat2 n lps meeting nk balik bawa rifqi gi check up... biasala, kalau dah ngadap internet,xsah kalau xbukak fb..uish3..nampak cik yam wat new patch work yg kawaiii... masa kat page dia, came across this video... i end up crying in front of the monitor...huhuhu... biasalah, i can sensitip! and i guess, this worth sharing...
                    

haa..camne?very heart-touching deshou? sape nangis? angkat tangan!!

lps nih, selalu2 la peluk org2 esp yg tersayang..(yg dihalalkan peluk sahaja yer!)

honestly,i sendiri xberapa amalkan peluk2 ni kecuali dgn my kids,hubby and my mom... lps nih jumpa kawan2 nk peluk derang laa..

 who wants free hugs from me?!

=)

no more maid??

sudah lama xpegang laptop nih.selalu update status pon guna phone jer.. mcm2 dah berlaku lately tp semua2 cerita xde masa nk update...
ok,the hot and latest story is... my maid ran away! hahaha...yerp! she ran! mesti org2 yg dtg melawat rifqi terkejut..sbb dia elok jer...hari sabtu tu,baru kenal2kan dia dgn my colleagues..kalau igt2 balik rasa kelakar pon ada.al-kisahnya, sabtu lps we went balik kampung to send my mom n sis.i told my maid that,we'll be back the next day... kalau selalu,xckp pon nk balik bila...tp ntah kenapa aritu ckp kat dia nk balik ahad.. balik dr bp,sampai2 kat depan gate.. hati dah angin sbb dia tak kunci gate..dah byk kali pesan, kalau duduk kat umh..xkesah la duk dlm bilik ke,kat depan ke... gate mesti kunci.mula la mommy nk membebel kat dia.emirr honk2 sbb nk suruh dia keluar laa..angkat barang2..tp xkuar jugak..dlm hati kata, tido mati ke apa? emirr pulak tak bawa kunci..nih lagi sorang nk kena bebel..keluar rumah xbawa kunci rumah... ada ke patut!! mmg kena bebel pon lps tu...gate xkunci,grill rumah tak kunci..dia kunci pintu jer..naseb baik kunci umh mommy mmg sentiasa ada dlm handbag..seb baik bawa handbag! sejak dlm pantang nih,kuar mmg malas bawa handbag sbb nk dukung rifqi senang...buka jer pintu,mommy terus gi cari dia kat bilik,takde! tingkat atas takde..panggil2 pon xde..aah,sah dia dah larik!! the funny thing was, i was kinda feel glad that she's out of the house...senang hati aku,xde sape nk buat aku naik angin.selama nih, berlapik2 jugak ckp sbb yerla,dia lagi tua dr kita, plus nk suruh dia jaga anak kita..kang apa2 dia buat,payah pulak...

mmg dari mula amek dia dulu, hati nih rasa xberkenan jer...lps tu,bila dah sebulan duduk keja sini..ada jer benda yg dia buat rasa cam xkena jer di mata mommy.kadang2 ada benda yg kita dah ajar, dia buat xbetul jugak... lps tu, xberkenan juga cara dia take care rayyan... sejak lps bersalinkan rifqi,sejak i have to stay almost everyday dgn dia kat umh, makin byk la terserlah kecelaan dr segi kerjanya... sampaikan tiap2 hari diri sendiri jadi tension sbb kena tegur dia. mmg lately, byk jugak mengadu kat emir pasal dia..ntah kenapa hati rasa xsenang kalau dia ada... mcm ada jer mata ni nk cari kesalahan dia... dan ternyata, tekaanku benar belaka..dia xboleh dipercayai...the bright side was, she didn't do any harm to us and leave the house in good condition... baju tersidai,siap dia basuhkan semua cadar2.. bilik pon dia kemas elok...siap masak nasi lagi(which i came to a point kot2 dia jampi nasi tu,xmoh la makan)...lauk dia masak pon ada..siap tutup cantek jer...nk suruh kita makan gaknyer...(udah selamat masuk tong sampah!).check2 jugak,kot2 ada benda yg hilang..tp alhamdulillah...duit, barang2 berharga semua ada..kunci rumah pon dia tinggalkan.. baguslah dia pergi dgn aman dan berhemah..huuhuh... we only lost rm400something.. dah byr gaji dia advance sbb dia minta kononnya nk sekolahkan anak dia xcukup duit... dah mmg rezeki dia.. xpe laa,amek laa..kalau betul utk sekolahkan anak2 dia,kami halalkan...

kami amek dia pon,asalnya dia lari dr rumah org china..katanya cina tu dera dia(mentally) laa..apa dia buat semua xkena...(mmg pon,kat umh aku pon sama jer) i told emirr, kalau dia boleh lari dr umh org cina tu,xmustahil satu hari nnti dia lari dr rumah kita n turns out, i'm 100% right... my MIL kesiankan dia sbb tu my MIL convince us to give the advance salary tu..kalau ikutkan mommy, jgn harap ko dpt sesen pon...being me,kalau tak suka mmg sampai bila2 pon aku xkan suka... ayang,lenkali dgr cakap bini awak yg kuat bebel ni... hehehe

fyi, sepanjang 3minggu mommy berpantang nih..org yg jaga mommy pon bertukar2...1st week, my MIL.2nd week, nenek emir...3rd week,mommy's mom... masa nenek emir n my mom+my sis ada,mulut dia bukan main manis lagi... dekat semua org dia cerita kisah2 sedih dia kat kampung tu...kononnya, laki dia jahat pukul dia.pastu nak kawen lain...anak2 dia kaka dia jaga, xcukup duit nk sekolahkan...bla3... sebenarnya,selama dia kat umh mommy,kalau dia nk cerita pasal peribadi dia,mommy selalu wat bolayan jer.. for me, mommy amek dia sbb nk suruh keje..so,be professional..xde masa nk dgr kisah sedih dia yg nnti sbnrnya nk minta simpati kita...ntah2 dia tipu ke,bukan nyer kita tau kann..pernah tu, dia nangis2 ckp kat tepon... mommy buat tak tau jer... lgsg tak tanya apa... nama pon xsuka kan? lgpon kita baru jer kenal dia sebulan...xkan nk percaya semua2...

masa on the way dr kampung nk balik kl tu,ada borak2 dlm keta pasal pompuan tu... i told emir i don't know why, i just can't trust her with my kids... and i myself, xlarat dah nk ckp byk kali dgn dia cara buat keje rumah... emir kata nk letak cctv dlm rumah.. siap dah pk nk beli kat mana,letak kat mana.. balik2 tgk dia dah xde...hahahaha... lawak jugak... emir kata, seb baik jugak dia lari,kalau kita nk halau dia,xtau nk hantar dia gi mana dah....huhuhu

last2,my MIL kata...xyah dah amek maid..anta jer nursery...sbb susah nk cari org gaji yg baik n boleh dipercayai..anta rumah org pon, kalau tak betul2 kenal... bahaya gak. hmm..for the time being...i choose not to think about that just yet... sbnrnya, nak hantar nursery pon berat hati... susah kan jadik mak yg nk semuanya ikut cara kita...especially benda2 yg melibatkan anak2... yerla, kita nk melahirkan bukan senang2... sure hati panas kalau org buat sambil lewa jer dgn anak2 kita... emirr lepa sket jaga rayyan pon mommy bising(kes jari rayyan tersepit pintu keta,papa dia tak nampak).semut sekor gigit anak kita pon,kita bunuh semut tu hidup2...seb baik dia lari bukan masa rayyan dlm penjagaan dia.. buatnya dia tinggalkan rayyan sorang2 kat umah ke...xpon dia angkut dgn rayyan sekali ke..lg haru! tgh terpk nk pujuk balik maid lama balik sini... dia jer la yg mommy berkenan...mmg tip top jaga budak..no complain! tp dah byk kali pujuk, dia xdpt nk dtg balik... laki dia dah tua, xsehat.. hmmm.... dou suru??

skg nih, i'm striving to handle household and kids the best i can... harinih,sempat mommy masak ikan merah masak sup... dah 3minggu bersara memasak..boleh tahan sedap jugak laa..hahahah..naseb baik la dia lari after 3weeks bersalin... kalau awal2,payah jugak. badan nih pon kadang2 rasa longlai sbb seharian berdiri,buat keje rumah... ahad pagi tu,sempat pegi urut kat bp n makcik urut tu kata, rahim belah kiri tu bengkak... mmg bila dia tekan2 rasa sakit... mana taknyer, mommy pernah 'terdukung' rayyan masa rayyan nangis2 nk ikut ummi dia... lupa pulak tak boleh angkat benda berat.. jalan pon mmg laju jer.. bengkung pakai on off...mengelat! mcm mana la org2 yg jaga diri sendiri n baby masa dlm pantang tanpa pengawasan org2 tu..especially, mcm kawan2 yg duduk oversea tu... mcm mana korang survive ek?? tp alhamdulillah, naseb baik ada MIL.. selalu jugak dia dtg jenguk.. td MIL dtg tolong sket2... dia bawa rayyan ikut dia... sbnrnya,sunyi  kalau takde rayyan...

macam2 manusia dlm dunia nih kan?? kita jumpa orang, seboleh2nya kita nk fikir positif pasal dia eventhough hati kecil kita ada syak yg tak baik... takpela, my MIL kata..org macam nih, satu hari akan kena balik kat dia... asalkan niat kita baik... what goes around,comes around,right? Allah kan Maha Adil!

Rezeki Dari Dia - Congratulations on the good news!!

pertama2, ingin mommy panjatkan kesyukuran kepada Allah,kerana hari ini sekali lagi mommy dikhabarkan dgn satu lagi berita gembira...berita yg boleh kata mommy nanti-nantikan dpd insan yg seorang ni... Alhamdulillah, syukur kerana Allah telah menanamkan zuriat dalam rahimnya... happy sgt2 sampai mommy yg tersengih2 gembira bila dpt tau td...

menerima berita itu, mengingatkan kembali mommy pada saat awal2 mommy mula mengetahui ada nyawa dalam rahim mommy... that's rayyan! my very 1st enry in this chamber . the reason i made this blog,to share the joy and remember the journey.masa conceived adek pon happy jugak! tp biasanya, pasangan yg berkahwin akan sgt2 look forward nk dpt 1st baby.manakan tidak, tak sabar nk rasa ada zuriat sendiri, produk hasil kasih sayang dan cinta kita pada pasangan. bukan boleh direplikasi, takkan ada duanya..dan juga, ingat! bukan semua org diberikan nikmat seperti itu..walaupon hanya sekadar seketika(yer,seketika!)... nikmat mengetahui bahawa hidup kita sebagai wanita bakal menjadi sempurna setelah kita bergelar ibu kelak, nikmat diberi peluang untuk menjaga satu nyawa dan melahirkannya, nikmat merasa perasaan bila pertama kali menatap wajah yg berkongsi makanan dgn kita selama mana kita usung dia ke sana ke mari, nikmat untuk menyusukan dia dgn susu yg dtg dr badan kita sendiri...nikmat utk berkongsi kasih sayang,susah senang dgn pasangan kita dlm membesarkannya kelak, dan nikmat untuk tahu bahawa Allah sayang pada kita dan memberi kita peluang untuk melahirkan khalifahNya.

tidak dinafikan, semua ibu..kalau tidak byk, sedikit pon..pasti akan ada terbit rasa risau, gundah, bimbang akan kandungannya... dr segi kesihatan baby, sempurnanya baby, kebimbangan menanti saat2 kelahiran, saat2 selepas kelahiran, bimbang akan keupayaan diri sendiri utk menjadi ibu bapa yg baik, bimbang akan akhlak anak2 yg bakal dibesarkan ect it'slike neverending worries if u want me to make a list... cuba kita fikir, pernah ke hidup kita ini sunyi dpd kebimbangan??? bukan sekadar dlm konsep zuriat, tp dlm segala aspek dlm hidup kita? ada tak perkara yg bakal berlaku dlm hidup kita, yg kita yakin pasti baik akan kesudahannya... ada ke?? kalau jawapan anda ADA, anda mmg hebat! kenapa mommy kata hebat? sbb anda boleh meramalkan benda yg belum terjadi... hidup bukan seperti persamaan 1 + 1 pasti akan jadi 2... hidup adalah satu masalah matematik yg rumit... pernah jumpa masalah matematik yg rumit? sedangkan matematik itu,kalau kena caranya,jalannya.. pasti kita jumpa jawapan akhir..cuma kadang2 jalan nak sampai ke jawapan tu sgt la berjela2... tak cukup satu kertas A4... sorry la kalau perumpamaan mommy pkl 3pg nih sukar utk difahami...tp sejak berjumpa sahabat yg mommy sayang td, dgn berita gembira yg disampaikan dlm nada kebimbangan dan kegusaran kerana sejarah dalam keluarga... kerana apa yg pernah berlaku pd keluarga terdekatnya seakan mendominasi perasaan gembira dia utk menyambut cahaya mata.buat mommy xboleh nk lelap mata... asyik2 terfikir... i need to do something!

mommy igt lagi waktu nak mintak dgn atuk utk berkahwin pada usia 22tahun... masa tu masih lagi belajar.baru habis thn 2 di universiti...luar negara pulak tu,jauh dr pantauan famili...atuk setuju,mmg suka anak2 dia kawen cpt tp adik-beradik lain yg suaranya lebih veto drpd atuk menolak bulat2, membangkang dgn memberi byk alasan. dlm usia semuda itu, bila difukirkan kembali...wajarkah membuat keputusan sebesar itu? tp mommy nekad dlm hati, aku nk jadi seorang isteri kepada lelaki yg aku cintai..dan xkan ada lelaki yg boleh cinta aku seperti dia...aku nk lahirkan zuriatnya dan kami akan bahagia,insyaAllah... masa tu,mommy takut  something will happen if we don't get married, mommy takut xsempat nk jadi isteri dia, takut xsempat nk pegang title ibu kpd anak2 dia... semua disebabkan risau dan bimbang... tp kerisauan dan kebimbangan yg terdorong dr niat yg ikhlas... dgn doa dan berharap agar Allah berkati keputusan itu..dan Alhamdulillah,skg dlm usia perkahwinan mencecah 5thn dan perkenalan selama 7thn...kami masih tak boleh hidup without each other..hatta xjumpa sehari, hati dah gusar xtentu pasal... dlm sehari xboleh kalau xdpt peluk,cium dan sediakan makan minumnya... dah lari topik neh...apa yg mommy nk sampaikan ialah, xsalah untuk risau dan bimbang,tp pada masa yg sama kita tak boleh berputus harap dan tidak percaya pada Qada' dan Qadar Dia.. sekecil2 mana pun nikmat itu, wajar kita syukuri walaupun kita tidak tahu sejauh mana ia akan bertahan...yg pentng kita cuba sedaya upaya,lakukan segala yg termampu, bykkan doa dan bersangka baik dgn Dia...sbb hakikatnya,kita tak tahu apa2 yg telah dituliskan olehNya... kalau kita fikir yg baik2,insyaAllah Dia akan beri kita apa yg kita selalu kita mintak.. Dia kan Maha Pemurah, Maha Mendengar dan tak pernah mungkir janji.bila kita terlalu fikirkan sesuatu,negatif atau positif, kita sebenarnya secara tidak langsung sdg menarik imaginasi itu dekat dgn kita, lama kelamaan, makin kuat kita imagine, makin dekat la ia lalu menjadi kenyataan.sedar atau tidak, kata2 hati kita juga adalah doa.. sbb tu kita disuruh jaga hati..mmg bukan senang nk jaga hati...jd selalu la berfikiran positif dan fikir yg baik2.satu kata2 yg mommy selalu igt ' We are what we think' .kalau kita fikir yg baik2, insyaAllah baik la jadinya..jika tidak,mungkin itu yg terbaik buat kita.

apabila satu nyawa dicampakkan dlm rahim seorang perempuan...yakinlah bahawa kita telah memilikinya..kita dah jadi ibu.walaupon anak itu belum lahir, belum diketahui lama mana hayatnya, belum diketahui sempat atau tidak kita membesarkannya... anak itu tetap milik kita... jangan terlalu difikirkan jarak masa 9bulan lagi utk bertemu dgn dia, sebaliknya nikmatilah sangat2 indah anda mengetahui kehadirannya, saat anda tahu dan menyedari anda membawa dia ke mana saja anda pergi, saat anda tahu ada satu lagi nadi dlm diri anda yg anda akan jaga sebaiknya... nikmatilah saat2 yg terdekat, jgn fikirkan yg jauh2 yg belum kita tahu akhirnya. enjoy today! enjoy this moment! enjoy the joy!

mommy mmg tak suka org berfikiran negatif walaupon dulu mommy seorang negative thinker..tp usia mematangkan... byk dah yg mommy kesali dpd berfikiran negatif.. mungkin ada yg mengatakan, mommy tak faham perasaan tuan punya diri, mommy tidak berada di tempatnya, mommy tidak rasa bagaimana dia rasa... jawapannya, mmg mommy tak tahu, mungkin takkan sedikitpun tahu. tapi mommy tahu, perasaan seorang ibu itu kuat, gerak hati ibu itu kuat, semangat seorang ibu juga kuat, kasih sayangnya apatah lagi... dan yg pasti Dia Maha Adil. kenapa kita nk mempersoalkan apa yg terjadi kpd org lain? berhakkah kita utk berfikir yg bukan2, yg negatif ttg zuriat yg dia tanam dlm rahim suci kita?bukankah kita patut bersangka baik? bukan kah kita disuruh supaya berdoa dan berharap pada Dia? bukankah kita disuruh menjaga anak itu selama mana dia dlm kandungan kita, biarpun usianya mungkin tidak panjang? dan adakah kita hanya akan gembira dgn nikmat itu bila kita dapat dakap dia???  dan meratapi,menyalahkan diri dan keluarga,menyesal sekiranya kita tidak diberi peluang utk memberi susu kita pada dia?tidakkan itu zalim? after all, semua itu ..semua yg kita ada adalah pinjaman..macam mana pulak dgn org yg belum lagi dikhabarkan dgn berita gembira bahawa Allah telah beri peluang utk dia ada zuriat? owh, sesungguhnya mommy dah emo pagi2 buta nih...

tak perlu lah kita fikir jauh2,fikirkan saja nyawa kita sendiri.adakah kita tau bila akhirnya? suami kita? mak ayah kita? kalau nk timbang tara, berapa byk benda yg kita nak bimbangkan..tak terkendong kebimbangan tu dgn hati yg kecil ini,dgn fikiran yg sudah sedia ada byk masalah... cukuplah sekadar melihat hidup dlm jarak yg terdekat, kerana yg jauh itu biasanya belum pasti.even yg dkt pon blom pasti,kan? seperti kita memandu kereta di waktu malam.. kita tau destinasi ke mana arah tuju kita..walaupon perjalanan itu beratus kilometer, lampu kereta kita hanya mampu menerangkan perjalanan kita untuk jarak 200m dihadapan shaja... selesai 200m,kita menuju ke 200m seterusnya..sehinggalah kita sampai.kita bergerak dlm keyakinan dan apa yg kita nampak dlm 200m sahaja..on the way tu, mungkin ada kera melintas ke, tayar pancit ke, perut lapar kena berhenti kat R& R ke..mcm2 kan?pepatah inggeris, a long journey starts with a single step.make the most of that single step..so you'll make a beautiful journey...

entri ini bukan niat utk memandai2, bercakap mcm bagus atau apa2 persepsi negatif yg anda bakal fikir... tp mommy menulis dr pengalaman dan niat yg ikhlas utk memberi semangat.. untuk memberi sokongan.. melahirkan rasa naluri seseorang yg pernah melalui sedikit pengalaman menjadi ibu.rasa sebak bila menulis ttg anak... 'anak' is a very sensitive issue for me.. akhir kata, byk2 la kita panjatkan rasa syukur pd apa yg Dia dah beri pd kita, byk2 kan doa agar kita tidak jd hamba yg kufur, byk2 kan berharap agar Dia sentiasa berikan yg terbaik utk kita... apapun, kita akan kembali kepada Dia.

inilah buah hati saya... rayyan umur 1tahun masa balik kampung fukui 2008

Hayaku Genki ni Natte ne,Rayyan onichan!

i can't really remember the last time rayyan had a fever... even if he's not feeling well like having a mild flu or cough he's still active and able to cheer us up. but today was different. he was okay during morning while we're busy setting up our little gardening project, he was busy playing with all the tools and soil too... he was happy because he can get himself in the dirt and need not to worry about us getting mad at him because mommy and dadddy were also playing with dirt... after everything finished, he had his bath with daddy while i'm in the kitchen preparing lunch.He came down from upstairs in nice clothes, with hair nicely done like edward cullen by his daddy, and the smile(yup, that killing-boleh-buat-cair smile)... i smiled and asked him some i-know-the-answers-questions just to tease him. he went to watch tv and i went back to the kitchen. after i finished, i went to see what he was watching... guess what? he was watching p.ramlee's movie. i didn't bother to checked on the title but seeing him so into that movie makes me wonder.he didn't have any specific favourite cartoon charactor unlike some kids who love thomas, barney ect.. apatah lagi tgk cerita melayu which is in plain black and white.i mean, he was sitting still like staring at the screen instead of watching what the movie was all about.macam orang termenung... i sense something was wrong. i sat beside him and hug him. he was boiling! i mean, his body was really hot! but he's not clingy at all. he still gave me his smile... but a silent smile... he refused to have his lunch. didn't asked for milk for the whole day..that's a record although he's not into fm as well. he only wants tea. weird! he had his nap at 2pm and woke up at 3pm... sejam tu sempat la tepek dahi dia dgn cooler pad. bangun tido pon xmoh nasi, xmoh susu... he was not as talkative as he always do. we brought him along to jusco to do a quick shopping. kalau biasanya, sepanjang perjalanan dia akan sibuk tanya itu ini... this time dia senyap jer... just wandering around with zero interest in anything even if we brought the topic up or asked him the questions he loved to be asked, he'll reply with a nod or a word... sepanjang shopping pon dia diam jer.. like a very2 good boy.kalau selalu xnk duduk dlm troli supermarket, arinih bole dia setia sehingga ke akhir shopping duduk dlm tu without any hassle... biasanya kalau pergi shopping, his big interest will goes to the lift which he calls as 'ting tong', kali nih dia slumber tak layan... xmenunjuk minat langsung.owhh, poor my baby!! sebak gilller bila dia macam nih.. i can't believe i miss his menace for a while... why do i refuse to bring him to the clinic? because i know what i'll get from those clinic with typical ordinary check-up which at the end of the day all i get is some antibiotics, fever meds and a bill which didn't do me good. i think i lost trust in public clinics since i came back from japan.i remember when i'm down with bad-never-had-i-experienced fever, i went to the clinic and they prescribe me fever medicines without taking a thorough check up on me whose shivering like *ell.i went to 3different docs but my fever continues.it was a 2 days nightmare. i was suffering from swollen breast back then.. and everytime i told them about it, they just say it's normal for breastfeeding mother, no tips given to relieve the pain or anything(or the tips which i already knew from the internet which doesn't help), instead they even adviced me to stop breastfeeding(siap bg pill stop milk production!)..sabar jer laa.. since then i lost trust to the docs. at last, my MIL's advices was the one that helps. i prefer self-treatment,home remedy with some vitamins and suppliments. i'd prefer all these than those drugs medicines... even when i myself fall sick, i only went to the clinic to claim the MC..the medicines the provide usually goes to the rubbish bin.same case with all the medicines which my current doc prescribe for my pregnancy. i just refuse to take them into my system.adik beradik panadol tu jgn kata laa...dah lama sayonara from my life. no offense to any doctors out there... but it's just one of my policy. anyway, alhamdulillah.. at 9pm,after 2failed attempts to give him meals and 2 times vomiting, rayyan managed to take his dinner cheerly without us forcing him. the best part is, he's back to being my cheerful rayyan...humming his favourite nursery rhymes and smiling and riding his bike(in the house of course).. later,my MIL whose just came back from ipoh came over and brougt us some suppliments for rayyan. i can see that he's feeling much better ... he's asleep now. hope to see him wake up smiling next to me tomorrow!

Hayaku genki ni natte ne, Rayyan Onichan!! my cheerful rayyan!

Kenapa saya ada blog?

last saturday, one of my students said to me lebih kurang camni,"sensei,arituh saya terjumpa blog sensei... ntah mcm mana, tiba2 mcm kenal jer nama..sekali tgk2 rupanyer sensei nyer blog". sambil tersengih2 terkejutnyer saya!! dalam hati,"alamak!!" lps tu,ada student lain pon terdengar dan menyampuk,"yeke2.. nk baca jugak... boleh kan sensei?"... me,"xyah laa..bukan ada apa pon.byk merapu jer.. xyah baca laa"... sebenarnya,hati rasa keberatan bila ada student nk baca blog ni. bukan apa, tak suka kalau nnti derang terungkit dlm kelas ke, terkomen mengenai entry blog di tpt yg tak sesuai ke... rasa xsedap, xselesa nnti. that scene made me think of why actually i started indulging in the blog world... byk reason. salah satunya, mai adalah orang yg suka tulis diari waktu zaman kanak2 dulu.xde la kanak2 sgt, tp bila dah pandai susun ayat sendiri, pandai beli buku sendiri... sembunyik2 tulis diari. growing up as a kid that's full of uncertain things in life, i need to tell someone how i'm feeling. with diary, i'm free to speak.. to say what i feel truly... i don't need to hide or pretend... and somehow it helps to ease the pain and sorrow.i think, writing the diary had helped me survived those hard days growing up as ME. i still keep some of them(wahhh, ada byk rupanyer..heheh).once in a while, when i read back all the words, reminds me of how i lived those days back then. siap ada bekas titisan air mata...coz most of the time, i wrote when i'm down... melepaskan perasaan.. bila dah masuk asrama... ada jugak tulis sikit2..tp sbb sibuk dgn study, xberapa produktif.bila masuk preparation course, lagi laa... tp ada jugak tulis skit2...bila pegi nihon, no more diaries but i wrote letters... weird huh? bila dah mula celik IT, kenal apa itu BLOG, mula la berjinak2 balik menulis... blog nih pon, mula2 private. because it is meant to be dedicated to rayyan onichan.it's like a journal of me & my other half's journey with him. i'm so excited to have rayyan from the day i knew he's coming. i don't wanna miss anything that i start writing(walaupon xberapa istiqamah). i started opening it to public coz i knew no one would read it... n then, i shared it with frens, coz right then xramai kawan2 sebaya yg pregnant.maklumlah, masih study lagi... sampai la skg, walaupon kadang2 terselit cerita yg tidak berkaitan rayyan, i wrote it here too. as a reminder that, the event took place while he's growing. i think, i would appreciate it, if my mother would have left me a journal of her journey with me... don't you? untuk menjawab tajuk entry kali nih,"Kenapa saya ada blog?"

-menulis adalah salah satu hobi saya... or more to merapu & luah perasaan(perasan??).Boss Jepun saya pon tgk blog saya..tp oleh sbb bahasa saya rojak BM+English+Japs=MeJapLish, rasanyer susah dia nk paham kot... dia kata rajinnyer saya tulis..tu blom bg dia baca blog anak murid dia satu lagi... yg kat Yamaguchi nunn haa.. boleh dpt anugerah blogger rajin tu...hehehe.masa kat AAJ, rajin tulis sakubun(karangan)..alhamdulillah,i won some essay contests.satu tu, ada lagi simpan sampai skg..speech contest?? NO..NO..NO.. kaki ketaq nk naik stage.abis blank nnti. -utk cerita if possible every happy things that happens in our daily life.seboleh2nya, yg xberapa seronok tu, xperlu la dikenang... -i love to take pictures walaupon masih tahap amatur. here's the best place to share, to learn and to look back(in case kalau gmbr2 yg ada dlm simpanan hilang lesap.dah pernah terjadi pon. how can i not fell in love with u,mr.internet!) -untuk kongsi cerita dgn kawan2 yg jauh & dekat.especially, bila dah ada anak & family makin berkembang.. they all helps in many ways..bg nasihat, tips, kongsi pandangan... infact, sneaking at their blog is my daily breakfast-time activity. -to gain support when i'm down.even just by dropping as simple comment like,"i know you'll be strong"..ect.. appreciate it! Allah je tau mcm mana those words sooths me.. -untuk cerita & belajar pasal hidup... sometimes we learn from our mistakes, and sometimes we learn from others... kerana itulah saya masih menulis dan tidak lagi mem'private'kan blog nih. tp bila student dah terjumpa nih, serba salah pulak.. (sebenarnya saya nih pemalu..hahaha..*sila pengsan*) -----gakusei tachi, sensei no buroggu o yondeiru toshitara, himitsu ni shite ne------ camne ek? ada jugak yg tanya, lps adek lahir nnti, nama blog nih kena la tukar. for the time being, let it be this way... lgpon, rayyan la pencetus idea utk buka blog nih... adek xkesah pon,kan adek kan?? yes,he's giving me a kick tanda setuju!

so,let me ask you back,

"Kenapa anda ada blog?"

kalau buat macam tag pon best jugak..

hmmm, kettei! saya nk tag org2 yg baca entry nih...yer KAMU!!!

Picking up those pieces...

Life is an echo

What you send out - comes back

What you sow - you reap

What you give - you get

What you see in others - exists in you

Remember, Life is an echo

It always gets back to you

When something happens to you - Good or Bad;

Consider what it means.

There's purpose to life's events

To teach you how to LAUGH MORE or NOT TO CRY too hard.

When you feel down because you didn't get what you want,

just sit tight and be happy.

GOD HAS THOUGHT OF SOMETHING BETTER TO GIVE YOU.

trying to be easy... to be positive

i don't really know what's going wrong with me, but i started having the flu back yesterday.a bad flu which needs me carrying tissues or handkerchief anywhere i go... i hate flu! and now, i feel like i'm having fever summore... this is sooo not the right time to get sick. i understand that during pregnancy period, our immune system will drop and that we have to take better care of the nutrien we take... i'm takign suppliment on daily basis.. but last week, i cheated on few days, cause i'm feeling healthily great. little that i know, it wont't be too long to be sick again for not being discipline enough. not only i escaped taking the suppliment, i didn't take food on time..or eat simply for the sake of eating without considering what actually i should eat for the baby's growth and my health. padan muka sendirik... and then, i muhasabah diri...why oh why??? come to think of it, the truth is lately, i'm running almost everything on my own... owh yeah, i haven't told you that i fired my maid due to her lack of sense being a good baby sitter to rayyan.balik2 buat keje rumah yg sama jer tiap2 hari sampai mommy pon naik menyampah...tak yah la citer pasal dia.the point is, she's not helping me at all in terms of taking care rayyan. we decided to fired her on 1st jan.told her that morning itself that we're gonna sent her where we took her and we don't need her service anymore.period! she's ok jerr.. good for us. and now, since there's no maid, meaning no one to be left with rayyan at home... i have to go back and fourth almost everyday to sent him to my MIL's.. well, masa maid tu ada pon, kena pergi balik jugak.cuma kerja2 rumah tu ringan sikit laa..luckily, the distance from both home is not too far..around 16km..masuk tol rm1.60 took us about 15-20mins to reach there.i'm not whining about having to pay the tol, but it's just sooo tiring to do this everyday.as emirr is soo super-duper bz with his current project which i soon hope to end by feb, i'm the one who has to take the responsibility.everything's on me.sending rayyan to the pil's,it's not the same as dropping your kids to the nursery.believe me..nama pon parents kan, kena la proper sket... itu pon naseb baik my MIL nih jenis sempoi...kalau dpt yg cerewet, lagi la trouble.kadang2, sempat sarapan lagi...sbnrnya, dari awal lagi, dah niat tak nak susahkan parents dalam bab anak nih, yerla masa nih kan masa utk derang berehat lps dah penat jaga kita dulu...tak elok rasanyer tambah lagi dgn masalah anak2 kita pulak...tp skg nih kami dlm kes darurat. i'm thinking of sending him to the nursery but my mil yg xbagi..she said, no...so i take that as a hint that she's fine having to take care of rayyan and at the same time helping us searching for another maid. let me tell you something about my PIL... my mil is not 100% a housewife. she's running her own business and that need her to go almost everyday to places to meet clients.on the other hand, my fil had retired since last year and now he's helping my mil with the business.so, basically they both are helping me with rayyan.i've experience once, tagged along with my mil to her client's house along with rayyan and i witness with my own eyes, how rayyan behaved. mind you, he's a growing little kid with full of curiosity to try this and that.imagine, how to control him and at the same time discussing with the client? luckily, rayyan nih bukan jenis yg degil tak dgr kata... i can say that he respect my mil and whenever my mil said NO, he didn't took long to obey... not that my mil is very garang dgn rayyan, i see her sometimes spoiling rayyan, but she has her own way of educating him... that's why if my mil went out without my fil, i'll get worried and feel bad. i'm worried rayyan will be a burden. but sometimes, rayyan is left at home with my fil, when my mil went out.. i prefer it that way. it's funny to see how my fil took care of rayyan all by himself... and sometimes,in order to meet my class schedule, i have to spend the night at pil's afraid that i'm not gonna have the time to send him the next day... because of that, rayyan became too attached with both his grandparents.sometimes, when i took him home, he'll get bored because i'm too busy doing the housework or taking some time for myself... he'll said, "ayyan nk ummi" or "ayyan nak atuk"... padan muka mommy. does that proves he prefers to stay with his atuk n ummi? jeles pulak bila dia cakap camtu..my mil said, sometimes when he's bored he says things like that.when he's at atuk's he'll say things like,"ayyan nak mama","ayyan nak papa"... but when in front of me he said he wants his ummi n atuk, i became jealous and annoyed...soemtimes i'm just too tired to entertain him... usually, when we reached home it's already dark outside and i'm just thinking about resting, watching tv or sleeping... when sometimes i forgot that rayyan needs his mommy at that time... yesterday, i even scolded him...he's not just asking for his ummi & atuk, but he's crying out loud at the same time? that really annoyed me.or maybe i just can't hear it anymore..it has been only 2months and i feel like he loves me less and it is all my fault... the stress of having to burden my parents about my kid, the stress of having to rush to work everyday, dropping and fetching rayyan everyday, the fact that i'm easily fatigue at times, and the work i have to get done on time, the stress of not being able to spend quality time with my other half everyday, the stress seeing rayyan calling his ummi n atuk instead of me... it's all just stressing... and no wonder i got sick easily.... i'm thankful to my PIL for their willingness to help.. i just wish all of this to be over... i wanna enjoy my pregnancy like i used to with rayyan.if u noticed, i didn't talk much about adek... as i myself don't have the time to think about it... i even skipped the regular check-up i should go...sometimes, a month late from that appointment date... and the stress doubled when people bising2 about me being sick while pregnant... i shouldn't caught flu laa... tak elok utk baby... seriously, i know! but i didn't ask to be sick.. and i'm sorry if my sickness cause some trouble to you..or you're afraid that i might carry the bad virus whatsoever that would infect you... but, there are story behind it that you might not understand... do you know i feel when people kept complaining?? i feel like crying but i just don't have the right reason to do so? because these are all my responsibility.. my son, my husband, my home, my job and the baby i carry in me!! enough said! stress do no good thus i let it out, and this chamber is the best place... :) tokorode, esok soubetsukai dinner utk batch 27.mari tenangkan jiwa tgk sekeping dua gmbr soubetsukai dinner last year

last year tema tradisional... tahun nih tema warna merah, hitam & putih...last year dah kena tema tahun nih, but sadly takkan nk pakai kebaya ketat dgn perut ke depan nih..sgt la xcomell... tahun nih pakai baju ala2 baju pregnant la nampaknyer... but, can i wear heels?? nk heels..maybe not too high.. :)

keeping myself sane

rezeki tu milik Allah..siapa lah kita nk argue ? infact, tidakkah kita akan dikira sebagai hamba yg tidak bersyukur sekiranya kita sering merungut dgn kekurangan yg kita ada? kalau sesuatu punca rezeki itu Allah takdirkan bukan milik kita, maka ada hikmahnya. mungkin waktu dan keadaan itu tidak sesuai dgn kita. Mungkin juga, Allah ingin memberi peringatan kepada kita dgn cara yg halus? apa2 jua yg kita miliki di dunia ini, sesungguhnya hanyalah pinjaman yg sementara. harta, kesihatan, paras rupa, mak dan ayah, pasangan hidup, anak2..Mengapa kita tidak bersyukur dgn apa yg kita ada malah meminta2 lebih apa yg kita tiada? bukan maksud meminta itu salah, tp seharusnya kita syukuri dulu nikmat yg Dia bg.. hari ini, dugaan datang menduga aku yg lemah. menduga hati yg seadanya rapuh. mencuit sanubari yg mudah tersentuh. tanpa kusedari aku menidakkan ketentuannya. aku lupa seketika Qada' dan Qadarnya. Astaghfirullah... walaupun, mcm2 dugaan dtg kebelakangan ini, aku cuba kuatkan diri menghadapi satu persatu kerana kadang kala aku rasa sangat sendiri... kenapa? tak baik buruk sangka dgn ketentuanNya.Dia Maha Adil. itu yg nyata.Allah tarik satu punca rezeki. tp hari esok Allah bukakan 10 punca yg lainnya. InsyaAllah... on the other hand... i'm worried about my pregnancy. I'm 5months pregnant. i weigh only 42.5kg during 4months pregnant.. last check up my weight increase a bit, 45kg... actually 45kg is my pre-pregnancy weight.so, i'm kinda worried. i lost my appetite often. skipped meals when i don't feel like eating. i'm suffering from severe flu for like forever.last time when i'm pregnant with rayyan i experienced the same thing, but it was winter so i guess it's normal and the doc gave me a shot that made me immune to flu for about a year.no flu at all... but the prob come back now and it's really bothering me.. with the H1N1 and all... i'm worried about my baby's safety. but then, many things happens around me that made me neglect my health for something else. especially rayyan prob with the maid. maybe i got stressed easily. tell me how to not be stress?? inspite all that, according to the doc, the baby is doing fine. he/she's now 265gram. next week, insyaAllah we're gonna go for a 4D scan.. it's free actually.their doing a demo at my current clinic. so, hope baby is doing ok even mommy's not. on the other hand, my best friend is going for umrah today. i wish her a safe journey through out her umrah. tak kesampaian hajat kami nk pergi bersama.. insyaAllah lain tahun. and today, my family from johor is coming to visit us here... finally!! i have to go home early... prepare all the things to make them comfortable. i hope they have a pleasant stay with us for 3days.. moga aku terus tabah.... melancholy hati

Silver Daisy for me

jam dah menunjukkan jam 8:42malam dah saya masih la berkampung dalam ofis di malam sabtu nan indah ini... kalau ikutkan mmg rasa nak lariiiiiiii .. tp saya tak berani nak lari tanpa tanggungjawab dilangsaikan dahulu... ecehh.. sambil mendengar dendangan rentak asli lagu anak ayam.. saya menulis entry yg bakal merapu dan takdek isi langsung.. sajer merepek nak sedapkan hati... sila paham yer kawan2..saya cuba meredakan perasaan dan cuba meredakan angin kuskus yg dah naik paras bahaya...ala2 zon kuning gituh. dengan mcm2 perangai manusia yg saya jumpa lately...

sekarang nih, tangan baru selesai menaip skrip untuk MC seminar nnti. pada hari itu, saya kena berbicara dalam 2 bahasa.. Melayu dan Jepun. minta Allah lancarkan lidah dan tutur kata saya pada hari itu agar tidak terbelit membawa dua2 bahasa sekali. dan inilah kali ke-2 saya jadi MC rasmi. kali terakhir di majlis makan malam masa form 5 kat MRSM Jasin dulu...err, 9 tahun lalu?? gilaks... masa tu naik pentas dgn Tawil..hahahah...kelakar xbley bayang.simpan kemas2 dalam kepala xnk bitau korang. jadik, kawan2 doakan la saya untuk hari senin nanti yer...

selepas ini, saya kena compile koleksi lagu2 untuk dijadikan background music pada hari tersebut. saya kena berhati2 dalam hal ini kerana bimbang taste music kegemaran saya sajer yg berkumandang nnti.. tiba2 ada pulak lagu hip hop termasuk. heheheh...

biasanya saya akan merungut dan kepala rasa nk pecah dengan kerja2 byk camnih..walaupun sekarang nih kepala dah berdenyut2 tambahan pulak bakal mengharungi perjalan 40mins balik rumah seorang diri kejap lagi.

TAPIIIIII...

saya masih lagi mampu tersenyum sebab...

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saya ada ini!!!

eheh

tadi terpergi the gardens dengan my MIL, mama belanja lunch kat zanmai and tershopping perfume ini dan terspend duit gaji yg belum dpt... hahahah... hampeh kan??

mama pulak shopping 2pasang kasut C&K beserta mekup2 lancome & shisheido...sy tahan napsu sajer... masih sedar diri

xper, bulan nih kerja taihen, so i deserve this kan girls?? tlg kata yerr,pliss3 :D

memang sudah lama ku idam tp hari tu sbb nak berpasangan dgn perfume buah hati saya beli sama pesen dgn dia...

seb baik hari tu beli 50ml jer

dah nk abis pon

so ada la alasan saya beli yg ini...

sukerrrr!!!!! :D

boleh la saya melaram esok dgn perfume ini..kihkihkih

sebab...

esok kami akan bertolak ke kelantan pagi2 subuh untuk menghadiri majlis ijab kabul kawan baik saya Nazirah Zainuddin dengan pasangannyer Bashir di kuala krai.

hujan banjir akan kami redah untuk korang....walaupon byk area yg diisytihar zon kuning

semoga perjalanan kami selamat pergi dan pulang...