Happy Belated Mother's Day

last weekend, we went back to batu pahat...seronok juga dapat celebrate mother's day dgn mak tahun nih. tahun lepas, hanya ucapan jer.tahun nih, special sikit.sabtu mlm ahad tu,bawa mak makan2 kat luar n lepak2 di dataran bersama anak2 saudara.rayyan pon tak kurang lincahnya...bukan main lagi lari ke sana ke mari walaupun seharian tak tido n dah pukul 1030mlm..keesokannya,nak balik kl dah.kejap nyerr.mak bekalkan macam2.buah pelam,kuini,karipap hasil air tangan mak, telur goreng pon mak suruh bawa balik jugak..makk..makk..ihihihi.. biasalah mak kan?? tak ubah perangainya setiap kali anak bongsunya ni balik ke kampung.macam2 disaji disua...kasih ibu. sebelum pulang, kucupan selamat hari ibu buat mak yang mungkin tak terasa apa makna hari ibu.tapi kini, HARI IBU itu besar maknanya untukku... mungkin jua lebih besar dari hari kelahiranku sendiri...melambai2 tangan sebelum bertolak..entah bila akan berjumpa mak lagi...semoga mak dilindungi Allah.

rasanyer nk jer ucapkan selamat hari ibu kepada semua wanita yang aku nampak... seronok rupanyer hari ibu nih. apatah lagi,bila buka blog kawan2 semuanya penuh dgn tajuk & ucapan hari ibu..dah macam meriah hari raya pon ada juga.hehehe... mungkin sbb dah makin ramai kawan2 yg jadi ibu dan bakal jadi ibu.lebih terasa meriah gitu.

mlm td, tengok rancangan Anjakan Paradigma yg diacarakan oleh Dato' Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah bersama seorang tetamu jemputan(tak igt nama ustaz tu..hihi). tajuknya, sudah pasti la pasal ibu.macam2 isu mengenai ibu dan anak dibincangkan.contohnya; anak2 yang mengabaikan ibu bapa,anak2 yg mengugut mak(kalau tak belikan motosikal,xnak pegi sekolah),anak yang menyuruh ibu membelikannya dadah dan mcm2 lagi laa..semuanya berkisar ttg anak yg tidak menghargai seorang ibu.mmg sensitif kalau bercerita pasal ibu nih.

tiba2 fikiranku melayang kepada seorang lagi ibuku. ibu yang melahirkan.hmmm..berfikir panjang juga nak sampaikan salam hari ibu kepadanya. takut nk berhadapan dengan reaksinya kali ini.bukan apa, aku pernah mengecewakan dia bulan lepas.tak dapat memenuhi permintaannya. aku jadi takut... tp aku pujuk2 juga hati... no matter how hard it is, if i were in her shoes, i would like my daughter to remember me at least on mother's day... and so, i typed the same sentence i sent to her last year without even realising it...hihih..she didn't reply until the next morning, she said;

" xde yg istimewa jd ibu selain pahala melahirkan, n kalau hidupku masa tu ada segala2nya xkan ku serahkan pd orang lain demi masa depannya.semoga bahagia...ibu ini xde apa nak dipandang lg. anda pun dah berkeluarga. xingin menangis lg kerana anak2"

i read it once and left it there because i can't really decipher the meaning between the lines...afraid to go deep actually.. then, after class i read it over n over again... what actually does it mean? seriously, i'm blurr.plus, "anda"??

i just hold to the positive side. i don't wanna put a stain on the newly rebuild relationship. accepting her in my life over again for the past few years is not an easy thing for me. i used to hate her. i used to blame her. i used to ignore her and the fact that i survived without her, means that i don't really need her in my future either. but, that's not who i am. i'm more than that... i'm nobler than that.especially, when i'm a mother myself.i can't denied the truth that i can't choose who i want my mother to be. she gave me shelter for 9months, she protected me inside her womb for that amount of time and she gave me up for reasons..good reasons i bet.. that i still believe!

so, i want to believe that even if i didn't treat her like a daughter should treat a mother, she's still the woman who brought me to breath the air in this world with difficulties.our path has been destined by Allah to be this way. just to be a mother and daughter merely by nature, by name... far from heart and we didn't grow that mother n daughter's love. i share it with other mother, my MAK. the world can accuse me with anything... because they didn't understand.

so, for you who didn't have to go through this complicated relationship between you and your mum, consider yourself as lucky...yes, VERY LUCKY... apatah lagi, syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu...

that's why i felt like calling Dr. Fadzilah Kamsah that night and ask him so many things regarding my situation... a mother's responsibility and a mother who abandoned a child.but then again, it wont fix in the mother's day subject... which is to appreciate mothers. now... i appreciate her and thank her as my birth mom, but i can never love her the way i love MAK... that's the truth and i know she knows that too... i never skip praying for her and i hope her 3 other childrens will take good care of her, as she did for them...

my mother's day gift from my 2 heroes...

thank you!! muahhhxxx do watch this video.i hope i make you smile like this -----> :D the mom's song