Let me always remember that my life revolves around me and not others
because i always forget and get stuck in frustration of what others do
let me remember that mai happyness is You!
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
Friday, January 1, 2016
Mai 3rd pregnancy experience
bismillahirrahmanirrahim...
Happy new year 2016!!
Hello January!
i'm not planning to write in this blog anymore since, i'm more into instagram these past few years.
but one event changed that.
i'm not gonna promise there'll be more post after this, but what i'm going to write is definitely something i wanna refer back one day.
alhamdulillah...
06.12.2015-
my 'best friend' came late a few days than usual and i did the home pregnancy test but the positive line wasn't so clear..blurr
but the line is there!!
senyummm!!!
it's been almost 6years since i last got pregnant..we've been wanting to get pregnant for a while, and you may say that this is the moment that i'm looking forward every month.. macam nk pregnant anak sulung hihihi
but we always keep in our heart that Allah knows the best time!!
esoknya, tak puas hati kenapa line kabur je, i did another test to confirm(different brand just in case hehehe)
and... the line is still blurr
wanted to smile, but don't wanna put too much hope.
07.12.2015
so, i went to private gynae
did urine test and echo test
the doc confirm i'm pregnant but she couldn't find the baby sac.
the word 'confirm' is good, but 'not being able to see the baby sac', not so much.
the doc said it's not unusual to not be able to see the baby at 4weeks 5days pregnancy because it's too early and she advised me to come again the next week, but i didn't.
reason 1: the fees was way too high.. urine n echo test cost me 10,000yen(RM350)
reason2: the next week probably i'm gonna pay the same amount and if the baby sac is still not there,she's gonna refer me to public hospital anyway.
alhamdulillah, pada masa yg sama ada juga jiran yg sama2 pregnant. she went straigt to the public hospital,KU hosp and she said the payment was not that high..
10.12.2015
i went to the KU hospital the next 3days, waited for 3hours(because i didn't make any appointment).
the doc said, the baby sac is too small for 5weeks pregnancy but the baby is there.
another appointment the next week.
15.12.2015
high fever the previous night..can't stand my itchy eyes, blocked nose, sore throat and runny nose
went to specialist, sadly the doc can't prescribed any medicine as i'm in my 1st trimester
went to take my allergy test result(took the blood test 2weeks before)
turns out i'm allergic to house dust and mite. no food allergy alhamdulillah..
and then, went to KU hospital about the high fever and blocked nose, sore throat.
doc suruh tahan sket..bole nk makan ubat tp kalau bole tahan..better tahan katanya..
so, i did!
doc did the echo to see the baby, but he/she was not growing from last check up.
i'm not feeling too positive at this point.
dig my blog to see rayyan and rifqi during 5weeks pregnant.
both are around 10mm at this point while he/she was only 3mm.
and the fever continues for the next 3days..
sakit tekak bertambah teruk sampai ada darah dlm kahak*crying*
next appointment 24dec
17.12.2015
bangun dalam keadaan badan berpeluh2..baru kebah demam malam td.
realized that i'm bleeding like period.
*crying*
at this point, dah redha...
called hosp and explained what happened.
they asked me to come right away by taxi(although i said i could drive, what was i thinking??)
rifqi was at home because i have no energy to send him to school.
i kinda feel glad he's with me at the hospital.
doc checked and the baby sac is still there. she said there's still hope i might be pregnant.
she prescribed me some medicine for my fever and throat
21.12.2015
submit final thesis utk sensei check and discussion.
told sensei about my pregnancy and my health condition.
she said to take it easy..even extend my submission date
but i said i wanna get it done asap
24.12.2015
another check up.
blood has lessen but still there on off.
doc said i might having a miscarriage but it's not for sure.
took my blood to check hcg level.
result will be by phone the next day.
25.12.2015
call hosp and they told me my hcg level is 286.
pregnancy hormone is still there.
doc worried it might be ectopic.
so,another check up on monday, 28dec
27.12.2015
couldn't wait for monday, i did another pregnancy test.
the blurr line is still there.(i don't know what am i doing at this point hehehe)
28.12.2015
another blood test and my hcg lever rise up to 375.
mcm mana bole naik? kata dah gugur?
pening dah..
did the echo test and the baby sac still there.
doc gave us 2 options;
1)wait for the sac to come up naturally which might take a week, 2weeks, a month or 2
2)perform minor surgery D&C and get my period cycle back sooner
if we opt for dnc, the operation have to be done that day because the hosp is close the next day for new year.
doc gave us some time to think..
actually, i've read about this D&C and at first i'm certain i wanna do it naturally. but having heard i might have to wait maybe for 2months?? dengan thesis tak hantar lagi, dengan stress lagi, mid jan nak long distance travel lagi.. i think waiting is not a good idea.
emir said,' kalau saya..saya tunggu natural je..tapi kalau awak saya advise go on je D&C..'
i was like?? apakah??
dia kata,'dia takut bab bedah2 ni..kena cucuk amek darah pon tutup mata' hahaha
setelah google sket2, tanya2 sana sini..kami tawakkal dengan D&C.
i know me, jenis tak sabar nk cepat je segala benda..
28.12.2015-1pm
bgtau doc nk buat dnc.
amek darah, another pelvic check, check jantung
tak bole makan and minum until after operation is over
2pm
masuk wad
3pm
ready for operation
tukar baju hosp
nurse datang check temp badan, blood pressure(as usual very low)
they have to drip me to keep me from dehydrated. nak cari urat nk masukkan jarum drip..subhanallah..punyalah susah.. mula2 dia gosok2 tangan kiri, tepuk2..cuba cucuk, tak jadi..pusing katil pergi belah kanan pulak..same thing, gosok2,tepuk2, cucuk..tak dapat jugak..lps tu dia kata sorry..dia kena minta tolong org lain buat.. tangan saya ni mmg susah nk nmpk urat,lagi2 la bila kurang air..urat semua tenggelam..hihih..masa ni control macho lagi senyum cakap takpe2..
nurse tu rasa bersalah sangat2..ntah berapa banyak kali dia kata sorry, sambil gosok2 tangan macam memujuk..
lepas tu dia nk cucuk bahu pulak utk muscle bius katanya.. i thought, kalau bahu xde la sakit macam kat tangan tadi..dulu bcg lepak2 je..
SEKALIIIII!!
sakit ya Allah!!! rasa lama sgt jarum tu duduk cari target dia..terasa dia sampai kat daging and bila dah kat situ,sakitnya!!! suntikan paling sakit seumur hidup..sampai menangis macam budak kena inject. sebab tadi budget nak kuat.. tp bila kena inject pon nangis rasa diri mcm hampeh giller..nangis yg air mata mengalir tak nak stop..nurse gabra! dia kata mmg sakit sbb kena kat muscle..dia melutut tepi katil sambil gosok2 tangan and kata sorry lagi..sambil tunggu yours truly habis nangis..huhuhu...lama jugak laa ala2 drama pulak..
lepas tu masuk nurse lain, dia check2 n pilih tangan kanan..dia kata tangan kurus sangat..lps tu dia kata sorry sgt2 sbb kena cucuk jarum dekat area pergelangan tangan..i said, xpe laa..nak buat macam mana ..naseb baik one shot,lepas! lega rasa..
ok settle drama mami jarum
4pm
lepas kena cucuk, naik kerusi roda pergi operation room.tgk katil agak cuak jugak sbb style katil nk beranak tp lagi best drpd yg kat msia hehehe..
bila dah naik baring atas katil, ada 2doc perempuan yg familiar, lega rasa..yamazaki sensei n masumoto sensei..yamazaki sensei tanya ok tak? so far so good doc hehehe
pastu sensei masukkan ubat bius melalui drip, doc kata sakit(tp lps dah masukkan)..tak lama lps tu mmg sakit gila sbb rasa dia masuk dalam blood line..tapi tak bole lawan sakit yg tadi hehehe..doc tanya, rasa apa? i said,'rasa mcam melayang'..lps tu nurse pakaikan mask..2seconds after that...i'm out!!
5:30pm
terdengar bunyi orang bercakap2..woke up from my deep sleep.
betul la sensei kata, lps operation mmg tak sedar n tak ingat apa jadi. tak rasa sakit apa pon..tau2 dah siap
rayyan n rifqi are there too..naseb la bilik private,derang berkampung dengan mainan bagai..
i continue my sleep..
6:30pm
woke up again but still sleepy. nurse suruh try jalan..tp masih terhuyung-hayang..nurse cakap kalau nk pergi toilet panggil dia..
tak berani nk pergi toilet lagi ni nurse oii..
walaupon tak rasa sakit pon
7pm
nak pergi toilet,panggil nurse just in case..tp sementara tunggu dia datang..i dah sampai depan pintu toilet..
nmpk mcm ok je nk pergi sendiri, so i let her leave.
8pm
bangun sebab lapar.. baru igt xmakan sejak pagi
emir belikan bento tapi tak lalu ikan, tekak terasa hanyir ikan tp dpt la isi perut..
alhamdulillah.. alhamdulillah..
the horror part is over..
insyaAllah tunggu pemulihan dalaman..physically after 2days dah sihat, cuma bahagian bawah terasa berat sket..
memang kena berpantang..serius kena bukak balik google carik menu pantang, belajar cara pantang, msg2 kawan segala..like starting back from zero..
and D&C was not so bad(other than kena cucuk bius)
lepas tu, surprisingly tak sakit pon nk qada' hajat kecik besar.
tp takut2 jugak la nk meneran
sakit lepas bersalin lagi teruk sbb kena jahit..yg ni xde jahit2
tapi control juga jalan slow mcm siput
tak tau la kat msia macam mana sbb ada baca ramai jugak berpengalaman dnc sakit..
alhamdulillah, kat sini takde rasa apa semasa 10~20mins operations berjalan..
malam tu sambung tido like a baby!
i think i had the best sleep of my life in that hosp. hihih
kalau bole nk extend satu malam lagi huhuh
esoknya, amek darah lagi(termasuk yg ni dekat 8kali derang amek darah in 1day, i counted around 20cc)
blood pressure, body temp..and finally pelvic check sebelum balik..to make sure my uterus is clear
alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..
despite the lost, Allah gave me the strength to be positive
i trust, He knows best. and sept/oct2016 is not the time for us to have a baby(or two hihih)
Thank you Allah for this experience..thank you everyone for your condolences and kind words...it keeps me strong!
semoga ada rezeki zuriat in future, insyaAllah!!
p/s:sorry la gaya penulisan macam budak2..xpandai aih karang ayat smart2..semoga jadi rujukan in future.
Happy new year 2016!!
Hello January!
i'm not planning to write in this blog anymore since, i'm more into instagram these past few years.
but one event changed that.
i'm not gonna promise there'll be more post after this, but what i'm going to write is definitely something i wanna refer back one day.
alhamdulillah...
06.12.2015-
my 'best friend' came late a few days than usual and i did the home pregnancy test but the positive line wasn't so clear..blurr
but the line is there!!
senyummm!!!
it's been almost 6years since i last got pregnant..we've been wanting to get pregnant for a while, and you may say that this is the moment that i'm looking forward every month.. macam nk pregnant anak sulung hihihi
but we always keep in our heart that Allah knows the best time!!
esoknya, tak puas hati kenapa line kabur je, i did another test to confirm(different brand just in case hehehe)
and... the line is still blurr
wanted to smile, but don't wanna put too much hope.
07.12.2015
so, i went to private gynae
did urine test and echo test
the doc confirm i'm pregnant but she couldn't find the baby sac.
the word 'confirm' is good, but 'not being able to see the baby sac', not so much.
the doc said it's not unusual to not be able to see the baby at 4weeks 5days pregnancy because it's too early and she advised me to come again the next week, but i didn't.
reason 1: the fees was way too high.. urine n echo test cost me 10,000yen(RM350)
reason2: the next week probably i'm gonna pay the same amount and if the baby sac is still not there,she's gonna refer me to public hospital anyway.
alhamdulillah, pada masa yg sama ada juga jiran yg sama2 pregnant. she went straigt to the public hospital,KU hosp and she said the payment was not that high..
10.12.2015
i went to the KU hospital the next 3days, waited for 3hours(because i didn't make any appointment).
the doc said, the baby sac is too small for 5weeks pregnancy but the baby is there.
another appointment the next week.
15.12.2015
high fever the previous night..can't stand my itchy eyes, blocked nose, sore throat and runny nose
went to specialist, sadly the doc can't prescribed any medicine as i'm in my 1st trimester
went to take my allergy test result(took the blood test 2weeks before)
turns out i'm allergic to house dust and mite. no food allergy alhamdulillah..
and then, went to KU hospital about the high fever and blocked nose, sore throat.
doc suruh tahan sket..bole nk makan ubat tp kalau bole tahan..better tahan katanya..
so, i did!
doc did the echo to see the baby, but he/she was not growing from last check up.
i'm not feeling too positive at this point.
dig my blog to see rayyan and rifqi during 5weeks pregnant.
both are around 10mm at this point while he/she was only 3mm.
and the fever continues for the next 3days..
sakit tekak bertambah teruk sampai ada darah dlm kahak*crying*
next appointment 24dec
17.12.2015
bangun dalam keadaan badan berpeluh2..baru kebah demam malam td.
realized that i'm bleeding like period.
*crying*
at this point, dah redha...
called hosp and explained what happened.
they asked me to come right away by taxi(although i said i could drive, what was i thinking??)
rifqi was at home because i have no energy to send him to school.
i kinda feel glad he's with me at the hospital.
doc checked and the baby sac is still there. she said there's still hope i might be pregnant.
she prescribed me some medicine for my fever and throat
21.12.2015
submit final thesis utk sensei check and discussion.
told sensei about my pregnancy and my health condition.
she said to take it easy..even extend my submission date
but i said i wanna get it done asap
24.12.2015
another check up.
blood has lessen but still there on off.
doc said i might having a miscarriage but it's not for sure.
took my blood to check hcg level.
result will be by phone the next day.
25.12.2015
call hosp and they told me my hcg level is 286.
pregnancy hormone is still there.
doc worried it might be ectopic.
so,another check up on monday, 28dec
27.12.2015
couldn't wait for monday, i did another pregnancy test.
the blurr line is still there.(i don't know what am i doing at this point hehehe)
28.12.2015
another blood test and my hcg lever rise up to 375.
mcm mana bole naik? kata dah gugur?
pening dah..
did the echo test and the baby sac still there.
doc gave us 2 options;
1)wait for the sac to come up naturally which might take a week, 2weeks, a month or 2
2)perform minor surgery D&C and get my period cycle back sooner
if we opt for dnc, the operation have to be done that day because the hosp is close the next day for new year.
doc gave us some time to think..
actually, i've read about this D&C and at first i'm certain i wanna do it naturally. but having heard i might have to wait maybe for 2months?? dengan thesis tak hantar lagi, dengan stress lagi, mid jan nak long distance travel lagi.. i think waiting is not a good idea.
emir said,' kalau saya..saya tunggu natural je..tapi kalau awak saya advise go on je D&C..'
i was like?? apakah??
dia kata,'dia takut bab bedah2 ni..kena cucuk amek darah pon tutup mata' hahaha
setelah google sket2, tanya2 sana sini..kami tawakkal dengan D&C.
i know me, jenis tak sabar nk cepat je segala benda..
28.12.2015-1pm
bgtau doc nk buat dnc.
amek darah, another pelvic check, check jantung
tak bole makan and minum until after operation is over
2pm
masuk wad
3pm
ready for operation
tukar baju hosp
nurse datang check temp badan, blood pressure(as usual very low)
they have to drip me to keep me from dehydrated. nak cari urat nk masukkan jarum drip..subhanallah..punyalah susah.. mula2 dia gosok2 tangan kiri, tepuk2..cuba cucuk, tak jadi..pusing katil pergi belah kanan pulak..same thing, gosok2,tepuk2, cucuk..tak dapat jugak..lps tu dia kata sorry..dia kena minta tolong org lain buat.. tangan saya ni mmg susah nk nmpk urat,lagi2 la bila kurang air..urat semua tenggelam..hihih..masa ni control macho lagi senyum cakap takpe2..
nurse tu rasa bersalah sangat2..ntah berapa banyak kali dia kata sorry, sambil gosok2 tangan macam memujuk..
lepas tu dia nk cucuk bahu pulak utk muscle bius katanya.. i thought, kalau bahu xde la sakit macam kat tangan tadi..dulu bcg lepak2 je..
SEKALIIIII!!
sakit ya Allah!!! rasa lama sgt jarum tu duduk cari target dia..terasa dia sampai kat daging and bila dah kat situ,sakitnya!!! suntikan paling sakit seumur hidup..sampai menangis macam budak kena inject. sebab tadi budget nak kuat.. tp bila kena inject pon nangis rasa diri mcm hampeh giller..nangis yg air mata mengalir tak nak stop..nurse gabra! dia kata mmg sakit sbb kena kat muscle..dia melutut tepi katil sambil gosok2 tangan and kata sorry lagi..sambil tunggu yours truly habis nangis..huhuhu...lama jugak laa ala2 drama pulak..
lepas tu masuk nurse lain, dia check2 n pilih tangan kanan..dia kata tangan kurus sangat..lps tu dia kata sorry sgt2 sbb kena cucuk jarum dekat area pergelangan tangan..i said, xpe laa..nak buat macam mana ..naseb baik one shot,lepas! lega rasa..
ok settle drama mami jarum
4pm
lepas kena cucuk, naik kerusi roda pergi operation room.tgk katil agak cuak jugak sbb style katil nk beranak tp lagi best drpd yg kat msia hehehe..
bila dah naik baring atas katil, ada 2doc perempuan yg familiar, lega rasa..yamazaki sensei n masumoto sensei..yamazaki sensei tanya ok tak? so far so good doc hehehe
pastu sensei masukkan ubat bius melalui drip, doc kata sakit(tp lps dah masukkan)..tak lama lps tu mmg sakit gila sbb rasa dia masuk dalam blood line..tapi tak bole lawan sakit yg tadi hehehe..doc tanya, rasa apa? i said,'rasa mcam melayang'..lps tu nurse pakaikan mask..2seconds after that...i'm out!!
5:30pm
terdengar bunyi orang bercakap2..woke up from my deep sleep.
betul la sensei kata, lps operation mmg tak sedar n tak ingat apa jadi. tak rasa sakit apa pon..tau2 dah siap
rayyan n rifqi are there too..naseb la bilik private,derang berkampung dengan mainan bagai..
i continue my sleep..
6:30pm
woke up again but still sleepy. nurse suruh try jalan..tp masih terhuyung-hayang..nurse cakap kalau nk pergi toilet panggil dia..
tak berani nk pergi toilet lagi ni nurse oii..
walaupon tak rasa sakit pon
7pm
nak pergi toilet,panggil nurse just in case..tp sementara tunggu dia datang..i dah sampai depan pintu toilet..
nmpk mcm ok je nk pergi sendiri, so i let her leave.
8pm
bangun sebab lapar.. baru igt xmakan sejak pagi
emir belikan bento tapi tak lalu ikan, tekak terasa hanyir ikan tp dpt la isi perut..
alhamdulillah.. alhamdulillah..
the horror part is over..
insyaAllah tunggu pemulihan dalaman..physically after 2days dah sihat, cuma bahagian bawah terasa berat sket..
memang kena berpantang..serius kena bukak balik google carik menu pantang, belajar cara pantang, msg2 kawan segala..like starting back from zero..
and D&C was not so bad(other than kena cucuk bius)
lepas tu, surprisingly tak sakit pon nk qada' hajat kecik besar.
tp takut2 jugak la nk meneran
sakit lepas bersalin lagi teruk sbb kena jahit..yg ni xde jahit2
tapi control juga jalan slow mcm siput
tak tau la kat msia macam mana sbb ada baca ramai jugak berpengalaman dnc sakit..
alhamdulillah, kat sini takde rasa apa semasa 10~20mins operations berjalan..
malam tu sambung tido like a baby!
i think i had the best sleep of my life in that hosp. hihih
kalau bole nk extend satu malam lagi huhuh
esoknya, amek darah lagi(termasuk yg ni dekat 8kali derang amek darah in 1day, i counted around 20cc)
blood pressure, body temp..and finally pelvic check sebelum balik..to make sure my uterus is clear
alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..
despite the lost, Allah gave me the strength to be positive
i trust, He knows best. and sept/oct2016 is not the time for us to have a baby(or two hihih)
Thank you Allah for this experience..thank you everyone for your condolences and kind words...it keeps me strong!
semoga ada rezeki zuriat in future, insyaAllah!!
p/s:sorry la gaya penulisan macam budak2..xpandai aih karang ayat smart2..semoga jadi rujukan in future.
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